


Red Lies

by where_shadow_plays



Series: Cold Hearts [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flirting, Hurt/Comfort, Negan (Walking Dead) is an automatic warning, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/where_shadow_plays/pseuds/where_shadow_plays
Summary: Alice and Negan started to establish a very tight relationship but in every heaven there is trouble.PS: I don't really know how to write summary's





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another part of Cold hears series and this one will be the longest one, with canon and not canon events and major spoilers so be warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure." - Jalaluddin Rumi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

"What a lovely day, don't you think, bad boy?", Alice was standing near the fences where Daryl was working, finishing up her apple and looking up at the sky, Daryl was side eyeing her not giving her a pleasure to think she had his full attention, her hair was down, she was wearing her black tank top, her military jeans and sunglasses, he didn't even realize he was staring when Walker came at him, he moved just in time, pushing him back, while the other two men were tying him back against the concrete pole.

"You should be more careful, boy, I would hate to see you hurt."

"Then you shouldn't be here," Daryl told her while coming back to the place she was standing.

"Hahaha, what? Am I distracting you? And here I was thinking it would be nice to share this lovely day and my good mood with you, lord knows you are in dire need of it. Look I even brought you something, " she reached into her pocket and pulled out an apple, handing it to him, he looked at her hand and then at her, like he was wagering his options, knowing everything in this place had a price.

"This one is on me boy, here, take it," she slipped an apple into his hand, not even caring does he want to take it or not.

"Shouldn't you be with Negan?"

"No. Not at the moment so I decided I should visit you. Isn't that nice of me?", Alice smiled.

In truth Negan was up in his room suffering the worst hangover of his life, avoiding the sun at any cost and although Alice was the only one aware of what's going on, he gave her a leave to get some sleep and for the pills she found for him to kick in, all that with a fair amount of rumbling around about how she was not sick and he looked like a 'fucking train wreck'. Making a joke about their age difference apparently wasn't a good way to lighten his mood, so Alice was glad when he told her to go and let him rest.

At that moment Dwight approached them, wearing a plaid red shirt and the bike vest with the wings on its back, carrying a crossbow in his hand, "and what are you hunting Dwight?", Alice looked at him, leaning on one of Daryl's shoulder and resting her other hand on her hip.

"Did you see Mark anywhere? I need him for the guard duty tonight and I can't find him."

"No man, sorry, just a bunch of dead fuckers here."

"Shouldn't you be with Negan at this time of a day?", Dwight asked her while shifting his eyes between her and Daryl, trying to understand what is going on.

"No," Alice just told him, slowly shaking her head and smiling at him.

"Ok. You don't slack, this is not a vacation but a job duty," he told Daryl before he left them, going to find Mark.

"Wow, he really has a thing for you. That jacket is yours; he wears it all the time. Creeeeeepy if you ask me," Alice was now leaning closer to Daryl, speaking into his ear so no one else could hear them. "What's up with you two anyway? I would ask if you, I don't know, side-eyed his girl or fucked her right in front of him, but seeing how Negan is practically doing that to his ex and Dwight is still up in his ass so high you can barely see the tips of his shoes, which is by the way annoying as hell, makes me wonder, what the fuck did happen between you two?"

Daryl just looked at the ground, turning to go a do his work, deciding that his conversation is over, he was getting too comfortable around the enemy and that would do him no good in the situation like this.

"What you're not gonna tell me?", Alice now leaned in the direction he was facing, popping her head in front of him.

"No," he just turned his face to the other side, trying to avoid her gaze.

"Oh, c'mon, tell me, tell me, tell me," she was tugging his slaves, bouncing in place, acting like a child in the middle of the grocery store trying to whine out a candy out of one of the parents.

"No," he told her again, now looking at her.

Alice just stood there, letting her arms fall at her sides while pouting her lips, "you are one mean, mean boy, you know that? Lucky for you I like you, so I will try to get a story out of Dwight, I am sure his version will do you much, much credit."

At that moment Joseph showed up out of nowhere, smiling like he just robbed a bank and got away with it.

"Alice, hey Alice!", he called for her, she turned around crossing her arms and standing in front of Daryl while shifting her weight to her right foot.

"Oh, hey Joseph," she tried to sound as polite as she could, the events from the day she went to visit Daryl the first time were still on her mind and her opinion of this man a bit changed, he still looked like a good person, but this world left a trail of dirt on him she just couldn't look away from. Sure she was a bad person, Negan was a bad person, Simon was a bad person, hell even Arat looked like she had her share of dinners with devil himself, but with them you know what you get, there were no surprise, no sneaky kicks, their cards were all out for everyone to see.

"I found this movie on our last supply run, it is on VHS but it works, so some guys and I were thinking of having something like a movie night up at my room, you are welcome to come."

"Sure why not. If Negan doesn't find me something to do, I'll be there."

"Really?", Joseph's face lightened up, with dimples appearing on his cheeks. "Great, great, see you there then."

"Sure, bye," Alice greeted him with a smile and turned her attention back at Daryl who was now trying to put another walker back to its place. When he saw that Joseph is gone, he slowly came back to her side, while limping on his left leg. That was the first time Alice noticed it, furrowing her eyebrow she looked down at his feet like she was trying to figure out did something happened since they came back from Alexandria.

"Why are you limping?", the concern in her voice took him by surprise, by now he figure out that she was nice to him because Negan asked her to be, but some little gestures she would make or the tone of her voice she would use made him think from time to time that she was genuinely concerned about his wellbeing and although she was annoying as hell he had to admit to himself that these little talks they had almost every day were the only thing keeping him sane at this moment, that and his desire for revenge. That notion was the thing that kept him awake at night, because he knew if he even got a chance for revenge she will be the one standing on his way and if he stays much longer there with her close to him, he was not sure will he be able to go through her and that would be his death sentence, because he was sure she didn't have that kind of doubts no matter how much she like him she would not blink before killing him to save Negan, even a fool could see who takes the first place in her book, and he was not the one to judge her, knowing that he would do the same when it comes to anyone from his group.

"It's nothing," he finally spoke, that made her squint.

"Fuck if it is nothing, you are limping and you did not limp the last time I saw you."

"I stepped on a stone and hurt my foot."

"Really? A stone?"

"Yes."

"You are lying to me again, why?"

"I am not lying."

"Did anyone hit you? I gave them all strict orders not to do so unless you try to escape or kill one of them. So I will ask you one more time, why are you limping?", she was now in his face, trying her best to scare the answer out of him. He called her bluff, speaking through his teeth.

"I told you I stepped on a stone."

She was looking at him for a while longer, scanning his eyes, trying to find a twitch or something she could use, but giving up, she really didn't have time for that now.

"You know what, I don't even give a fuck! If you won't tell me, fine, it is just one more of your stupid decisions, but don't say no one tried to help you," she backed away from him, looking up at the sky, seeing it is probably well past noon.

"Anyway, I got to get going."

"Yes. You have a big date tonight."

"Fuck you, Daryl. But this was nice, we should do it again sometimes and don't be jealous you are still my number one boy, "she lowered her sunglass a bit and winked at him, before turning around and leaving.

II

She went up to her room, making a sandwich and some lemonade, out of that powdery thing Negan loved so much and went up to his room, she knocked on the door, but all she got was a grunt and a low 'fuck off', she smirked to herself, to say she liked seeing him like this would be wrong, but to say she wasn't proud of being the one that drank him under the table would be a lie.

She straightened up, trying to keep a straight face and entered his room, she lightly knocked again, just to let him know she was there, "how is my favorite patient doing?"

"I told you to fuck off, Alice," he told her under the sheets.

"What, no doll, no sweetheart, nothing? And you knew it was me and you still told me to fuck off, you are hurting my feelings boss," she told him with a hurtful voice, placing a sandwich and a bottle of juice on the night stand.

She slowly grabbed the end of his sheets and pulled them away from his head, Negan grunted, placing his forearm over his eyes, his hair and beard were all messed up, with a strains pointing in every direction possible, Alice smiled at that, combing his beard with her fingers while he was silently grunting something she couldn't make up, probably just a long strings of all the curse words he could come up with.

"Damn it, woman, you will get a fucking iron if you don't leave me be."

"No, I won't, and you need to eat something."

He now lowered his arm, letting it fall over his chest while turning his head in the direction where the nightstand was, looking at the bottle of juice and a sandwich.

"Is that a lemonade?", he asked with a cuddly voice, so low and soft you would never guess that the man it came out of could be capable of things he did.

"Well of course it is, boss, I know what you like, but first you need to eat something," he now looked at her with the best puppy look she ever saw anyone make, she regretted that Simon wasn't here, he would enjoy this too much.

"I'm not hungry, I will only have a lemonade."

"No, you need to eat and that is not something for a debate. C'mon man stop acting like a big fucking baby and take this fucking sandwich, " at that moment she realized she sounded like her mother when she was trying to make her eat something, with fewer curse words and a lot more eloquence, but still the same.

"Why can't you leave me to die in peace, woman, what did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing and I will leave you to die in peace after you eat this. C'mon boss you know I only want the best for you."

"The best for me? It is your fucking fault I am like this in a first place."

"Hey, hey, don't blame be for the fact that you can't hold your liquor."

"Fuck you, Alice."

"And fuck you to boss, now eat."

After he practically devoured his sandwich, he was sitting on his bed looking through the window with Alice on the sofa reading a book she picked up from Arat, Negan now turned his attention to the book she was holding, trying to read the title, his vision was still a bit blurry but after a few attempt to process what he saw on its cover he couldn't keep his mouth shoot any longer.

"The Zombie survival guide? Are you fucking kidding me?", Alice looked up at him, with a smile widening on her face

"hahaha, yeah, can you believe it. Apparently, they found it on one of the supplies run, it came out a few years before this shit went down, it is not bad, it has lots of pictures and very useful tips. Did you know that the first step in surviving a zombie attack is evading him?"

"Huh, that is some profound shit."

"I know, right? Anyway, if you are done I am going to leave you to die in peace. Want something specific for dinner?"

"What going on in the compound?", he asked her while looking down at his hands that were resting on his lap.

Alice smiled at this, "fuck, you're cute when you're sick."

"What I am not cute every day?", he was acting hurt now.

"Well you are something, but a word 'cute' is not something I would use," she now got up from the sofa, walking toward the bed and sitting on the side of it, looking at now empty bottle where juice once was.

"Boss, there was a half a gallon of lemonade there? Now you will get a stomach ache along with a headache. "

Negan just shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands a bit and shaking his head in defeat, "hey, I am a man of many weaknesses."

"hahaha, yeah I can see that. Well in compound let me see, let me see, I was with Daryl today."

"Oh, so how is our Daryl holding up?"

"Good, good, lost some weight but I think he is still afraid we are going to poison him or some shit, but he is good. Didn't want to tell me why Dwight loves him so much. He really is not a good gossip company. I should have found Simon instead. Joseph came around inviting me to some movie night he and some guys are throwing up. Oh, yeah and Dwight came looking for Mark."

"Really, Mark?", that caught his attention, "he's been disappearing again? "

"Apparently, what's up with him anyway?"

"Oh, nothing doll, he has a low level of respect for authority, especially me. But I am not blaming him, I did take his girl away from him."

"Amber, right?"

"Yes, her mother was sick and needed meds so I told her if she will agree to be my wife I will take care of her mother, so she said yes. Hell, what could I have done, she was not fit for runs and rules are rules. "

Alice was looking at him, lost in her thought about the night she caught Mark and Amber sneaking around, she gave Amber her conditions on keeping quiet about that, but the fact that Mark was disappearing again made her think that those conditions were not being met.

"Fuck it doll, why that expression, my priorities are people that can defend this place and then the weak ones, fuck it, lines of defense are more important that anything today. "

"What?", Alice was brought out from her thought, only then realizing how she might have looked at him, "Oh, no boss, that was not what I was thinking about. Just trying to figure something out."

"Something important?"

"You'll be the first to know if it turns out to be, boss."

Negan looked at her suspiciously but his headache and strange feeling in his stomach made him let go of it, he was really feeling bad and needed all the rest he could get.

"I'll leave you now, you need to sleep. I told everyone including your wives that you asked not to be disturbed today and that if they need something to find Simon or me, also here are some pills for your headache, I prayed them out of Carson telling him I am having woman's problems."

"Really, a period pills?"

"Oh, don't be a big baby, they help with all kinds of pain and it not like your dick will fall out if you take one or two."

"If that happens, doll, I am holding you responsible."

"Don't worry boss, I'll help you find it."

After she left Negan's room first thing Alice decided to do was to find her favorite mustache on this whole wide world and ask a little favor of him, after that she killed an hour or two helping Arat around in the armory and after that made sure Dwight found Mark and brought him up to speed with his new schedule, he had all night watches for next ten days, courtesy of Alice, she had little to no problem convincing Simon to do that for her, all she needed to tell him is that she has some suspicions that need to be confirmed. Before she even knew it the dinner time has already come, she picked up a tray of food and a pitcher of water and headed towards Negan's room.

She expected do find him in his bed, still moping around, but instead was greeted with a sound of a running shower. Negan came out of the bathroom wearing only his denim jeans while drying his hair with a white towel.

"Well now, look who's up from the dead, looking delicious boss," Negan was startled, he didn't see her sitting on one of the chairs with her legs crossed and a wide smirk spreading all across her face.

"Alice, doll, don't sneak on older people like that."

"Well, you don't look that old from where I am sitting."

Negan laughed at that while taking a black shirt and pulling in on, he reached for a comb and started combing his hear back, fixing it up with a moss.

"Now, I have to ask. Who's the lucky lady you are going to visit tonight."

"Oh, I am not visiting anyone, but taking someone with me."

"Oh, and who that might be and where."

"Well, you doll, of course," he was now standing next to her chair and extending his hand for her to take it.

"Oh, me? And where are we going?"

"Well, you said Joseph is throwing up a movie night and I didn't see a movie in far too long, doll, shall we?"

There was something suspicious in his smile, Alice could feel it, "you've been sick all day, how is it you feel better all of the sudden?"

"Miracle doll, what can I tell you."

"Aha," Alice was biting her lower lip, still looking up at him, not giving him her hand. She didn't even plan to go to that party tonight, knowing that everyone will think she was there to spy for Negan and as much as everyone was polite to her, she knew what they thought about her and her relationship with him and being the one who practically executed one of them not two days ago didn't play in her favor.

"C'mon doll, don't tell me you will say no or was this supposed to be a date and I am just intruding?"

Well, it looks like the rabbit decided to show its ears, after all, at least she didn't have to beat on the bush too long.

She finally gave up, giving him her hand and letting him pull her up as he always did, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"It was not a date, boss. But were you jealous just a minute ago?"

"Me, doll? And what makes you think that?"

"Oh, let's call it a fucking hunch."

Negan laughed at that, kissing her forehead and letting her go, wrapping his arm around hers and leading her out of the room, "shall we, doll?"

"You promise you will be nice to everyone there?"

"When am I not nice, doll? You fucking wound me."

"You'll survive."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me." - Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italic are thoughts and dreams
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

They were at Joseph's room when Negan wrapped his arm around Alice's waist, pinning her against his hip and knocking on the door, not a second later the man with wide smile opened them, "oh, you made, I…, boss!", and the smile was gone.

At that moment Alice felt really bad for the man, his face was drained, his smile fell but his mouth remained a bit opened looking at Negan like he just opened the door to his own death sentence.

"Boss, Alice?", he was not looking at her with a million question look, Alice just shrugged her shoulders not sure what to say, she did understand that Negan coming tonight was a surprise to everyone but she didn't understand why Joseph looked like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Well, aren't you gonna invite us in?", Negan broke the moment with an amused smile spreading from one side of his face to another.

"What?", Joseph looked at him, confused at what he was asking, "oh, yeah, yeah, sorry boss, didn't expect you to come."

Negan walked pass him, with his arm still placed around Alice's waist and leading her in, he stood in the middle of the room, there was a pack of beer on the table, some snacks, a bowl of popcorn and a tv placed across from the small sofa. Negan looked around the room then at Joseph, running his hand through his beard.

"My doll here told me you are having a party tonight, so I decided to come with her, I didn't see a good movie in ages," he told him, while still looking around himself.

"Where is everyone, by the way? And isn't this a bit too small sofa for more than two people, even the regular size ones?"

"I…I… yes… I thought so, but….aaa… it was the best option we had."

Joseph was lost, Alice was out of Negan's arms, already sitting on the sofa, taking a few popcorn in her hand a watching the show, she now understood why she didn't feel a need to watch that movie tonight, her life since Negan came into it became one.

"Shit, doll, you didn't tell me we need to bring something," Alice snapped out of her thought, looking up at Negan

"What?", she asked

"What?" Joseph asked

"Well, that small pack of beer won't do for three of us let alone more guests," Negan now walked past Joseph opening the door and calling for a guard standing not few feet's away.

"Hey, go get us a pack of beer and tell Amber to make me some lemonade and to bring it down here, oh yeah and get Simon, tell him we are having a party at Josephs place."

Joseph looked at Alice, still not sure of what is going on, "really, more lemonade," she grunted to herself, _"I will start dreaming that damned powder. "_

"Ok, where is everyone let's get this party started," Negan clapped his hands, smiling at Joseph while letting himself fall at Alice's side, resting his arm on her shoulders.

"I'll, I'll go check where everyone is," Joseph left them not even closing the doors behind him. Negan stood up, walking towards the door and swinging them shot while turning in a half circle and coming to lean on one leg, looking at Alice.

"And that my darling is how you cock block, someone," he bowed.

"You are one mean, mean man."

He laughed again, falling in the same place where he was just a few moments ago, leaning closer to Alice, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing it.

Few minutes after Amber came holding a pitcher of lemonade, "well thank you, sweetheart, tell other wives that I won't be able to screw any of you tonight, sorry, I am not sure how long this will take. So you are all free tonight," Negan winked at her while filling his glass with juice.  
Amber's face fell to the ground, she just nodded, with a faint smile ghosting on her lips, Alice saw it, cocking her head to the side, suspiciously looking at the blonde woman, she was about to turn and leave when Alice spoke to her.  
"Hope you have a nice evening, Amber," woman looked at her with a stone expression on her face, and just nodding before she left.

"And here comes a Jin-man, ready to drink you all under the table," Simon came, bringing a bottle of Jin with him. "Ok, boss ready to get wasted, and why the fuck are we here? We have a perfectly fine hall for this kind of crap."

"I am clean tonight," Negan told him raising his glass of lemonade at him, "and it's Joseph's party, you will have to ask him why he didn't choose a bigger space."  
"And where is Joseph?"  
"Went to find more quests apparently," Alice told them while scanning the snack on the table, "and I hope some chips, I don't eat any of the shit we have here."  
"You are getting spoiled, little psycho."  
"Oh, it is not my fault, talk to the man in charge."  
"Hey, I take care of my people," Negan raised his hand in defense, "if that is a fucking crime then punish me," he leaned toward Alice, pushing her head a bit with his.  
"If you two invited me up here to watch your foreplay, I am not interested."  
"You can always join us mustache man."  
"No, he can't", Negan turned to her, with a panicked expression on his face.  
"What, the more the merrier."  
"You worry me sometimes doll, and where the fuck is Joseph."

Simon took a glass from the table and filled it with his drink, while taking a seat beside Alice, pinning her in a sandwich between him and Negan.  
She just giggles like a little girl, placing her hand on her mouth, looking at both of her sides, "I wish I had a camera, so I can have a picture of us," she told them with a dreamy voice.  
"And why the fuck do you want a picture of us?"  
"Because we are fucking beautiful, that's why."  
"If you say so, doll, if you say so," Negan looked at her, before standing up and opening the door, he called the guard standing there and whispered something in his ear.

At that moment Arat came, looking at Negan, placing her hand on her hip and puffin the loose strain of her hair from her face, while she was holding some strange looking liquor in her other hand, "is this where that famous party is?"  
"So the legend goes."  
"Didn't expect to see you here, boss."  
"You know me Arat, I am a man of many surprises, please do come in."

They enter the room just to catch Simon adding some Jin into Alice's lemonade, "doll, are you drinking?"  
Negan asked her barely managing to hide his surprise, he was barely standing on his feet as it is from the hangover, and there she was starting another round if he ever felt old than it was at that moment.  
"Is it a problem boss?"  
"No, no, there is no problem at all, I was just thinking, you told me you didn't feel well this morning."  
"Oh don't worry, boss, breakfast solved the problem. Oh, you brought Arat, now I'm loving this night," Alice squinted when she saw Arat coming from behind Negan, placing the bottle she brought on the table and sitting on the foot of the bed.

"You could have told me we are having a party tonight, Alice, not let me be the last one to find out."  
Alice drank half of her drink before looking from her glass at the woman, "I thought Joseph invited you all already, this is his party after all."  
"Well, he did not, he told me not fifteen minutes ago, then told me to say I was late and to fucking apologize. Can you believe that shit?"

Negan laughed from the other side of the room still waiting for the guard to come back, Alice just looked at him, trying to signal him to keep quiet and then turned to Arat again.  
"hahaha, well if that is the case, you don't have to worry you aren't the last to know"

Finally, the guard came holding a camera in his hand and handing into Negan.  
"Ok doll, you wanted a picture," he snapped the photo of her looking down in her glass with a disappointed look on her face.  
"Hey, I wasn't ready!"  
"I can fucking see that doll," he laughed when fresh photography popped out of the camera.  
"Fuck you, boss."  
"Promises, promises,"Negan smiled while walking past the bed and giving the camera to Arat, before sitting back in his seat.  
"Ok, Arat, doll here want a photo with me and Simon, because we are apparently fucking beautiful, so I need to indulge her."

They took a few photos that Alice jealously took for herself, not giving them a chance to look at them twice, before the room finally started to fill with people. Gary was the last to come with Joseph practically dragging him in, and finally, it was time for a movie.

Joseph was fiddling around the cables, trying to get the VCR to work, it was taking longer that everyone expected, and by the time the tape was ready to play everyone except Negan, Joseph and somehow Alice were already half drunk.  
"If this is some kind of bullshit movie, I am out of this room without the second notice," Gavin was the first to protest, sitting on the floor right beside Simon.  
"Nothing but a little mermaid would do for him, just so everyone knows," Laura retorted, sitting on the bed with Arat. Taking another shot of tequila and lying on her back.  
"Oh, c'mon people, he was just trying to do something nice for us," Alice added while being safely tucked beneath Negan's arm, with one of her legs resting on Simon's knees.  
"And why do you get to sit on the couch?" Laura smiled at her, with her hair falling all over her face, while she was bending over to get the bottle from the floor.  
"Because I was here first," Alice stuck out her tongue at her.

She was actually feeling comfortable around them, most of the Saviors that came were mind your own business kind of people and that was probably the reason why they were at the top of the food chain.

"Ok, everyone, quiet, quiet it is starting," Joseph yelled at them while sitting on the floor right in front of the table.  
"Move your big head from there," Simon threw popcorn at him, trying to get him to move, Joseph was up, grunting and cursing while moving to sit on the floor where the bed was.  
Not long after they realized it is some kind of catch me if you can, massacre, college, B- rated movie, with more nudity than real action, and just some psycho trying to kill them all with an ax.

...  
"Oh, c'mon we could have gotten a real porn instead of this shit," Alice yelled at TV while taking a handful of popcorn and trying to fit it all at once in her mouth.  
"Alice, doll, shhh," Negan told her while pulling her back to himself.

…  
"Aaaa, c'mon that is not how you hold the gun! Really?! Who made him a cop,"  
"Psycho, be quiet, I can't hear shit."…

…  
"No, really people, that is not ever the right caliber for that gun, I can't believe this, who filmed this shit!?"  
"Alice stop yelling, we are trying to watch the movie," Arat was now the one to protest, with Laura passed out behind her back.

...  
"Yeah, run upstairs, there must be a safe exit there, movies like this are the reason why so little people survived this shit."  
"Ok, boss, I will strangle her, I am serious, " Gavin was the one to talk now, looking directly at Negan, who was smiling like a cashier cat, Alice just squinted in his direction, moving closer to Negan.

"You know what doll if they decide to kill you, I won't even try to stop them."  
"Oh, c'mon boss, they wouldn't do that."  
"We would," they all yelled together while turning and looking at Alice, who was now literally sinking against Negan, who was concentrated at the movie, pretending to ignore all the threats sent her way.  
"Preposterous," Alice spat at them while taking her drink from the table and nuzzling herself back at Negan's side, keeping quiet for the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over, they continued to drink and talk until late at night, Simon was out of it, smiling and telling stories about his youth and all the women he 'conquered'  
"I am telling you, people, I was smoother than boss here," everyone started to laugh, shaking their head in disbelief.  
"Hmm, well I can see that being truth, with all the hair on your head," Alice told him while reaching for a bottle on Jin, and realizing it was empty.  
"Oh, don't be so mean little psycho, I know you would have been all over me back in those days."  
"I would be all over you even now, but you drank all the liquor and that shit is not something gentleman does."

"I…I…I can't believe you are sober, bitch," Laura was now awake, tapping around the bed trying to figure out where the salt is.  
"And I can't believe you are all drunk… such weak, weak people."

In all that interaction Alice felt something is missing, she looked up at Negan, and he was leaning on his elbow and sleeping, she smiled at that, realizing he is probably still sick and exhausted.  
"Boss…boss," she shook his shoulder slowly, trying not to scare him, "boss…boss."  
"Go away woman," he mumbled from his sleep.  
"Boss, wake up," it took her more than a minute to call him to the awake state, he was still a bit out of himself, when she helped him to get up and lead him out of the room, saying goodbye to everyone.

"That was nice, we should do it more often."  
"We should, but not while I am sick, sitting there and nuzzling lemonade was not my idea of a fun time, doll," Negan told her, now fully awake but still leaning on her shoulders.  
"Well, you could have stayed in the bed, no one forced you to come."  
"Hah, and not be the one to blow Joe plan in pieces, no fucking way doll."

She now stopped walking, hearing some strange sounds coming from the room they just passed by, "what is this room for?", she asked Negan, who was trying to figure out why they stopped.  
"I don't fucking know doll, I think janitors storage, or some shit like that, why?"  
"Shhh, come here and be quiet, " she led him to the door, leaning her ear against it, trying to make out the sound coming from the other side.  
"Someone inside is fucking," she smiled, looking at Negan who was now leaning on the doorframe, not ever trying to hear something.  
"I don't fucking care, even if every person in this compound was inside having an orgy."  
"Really," she made her what the fuck face, "you wouldn't be even a little course of how that would look like?"  
"I will pass out doll, I fucking don't care. I am going to my room if you want to play some sick pervert, be my guest."  
"Spoilsport," she was about to leave the pair alone when she heard a woman's voice moaning name Mark, and she froze in her spot, widening her eyes with her brain working overclock trying to figure out her next move.

Negan saw her shift of the mood, and came closer to where she was standing, " is something wrong, doll?" , and at that moment the louder 'yes, Mark there,' came from the other side of the room.  
"Mark is in there?", she told him, trying to prolonged the events that are about to play out.  
"I can hear that doll, but with who? Did he found new sex toy? Oh, now I want to know," he smiled, now being the one to lean on the door, trying to make out who was in there with Mark.  
"I don't think that is his new sex-toy, but the old one," Alice told him, deciding to stop playing charades, they overstepped their boundaries and now she didn't care for the consequences.

Negan looked at her with a deadly serious expression, leaning even closer to the door, trying to figure out is it really who he thinks it is on the other side of the door.  
At that moment Simon came, swaying around and smiling like an idiot at them, lifting his finger to say something before Alice grabbed him by his hand and pinned him to the wall, placing her hand over his mouth and shushing him, he sobered up in a minute, clearly aware that something was wrong.  
"What the fuck, psycho, what is happening?"  
"Shush, Mark is in there, looks like I was fucking right man, " she told him while turning her attention back at Negan, who was now looking at the door, trying to figure out the best course of action. Alice came to his side, wrapping her hand around his upper arm and making him look at her.  
"Simon and I can take care of this, boss, just put them in the cells, it is a five-minute job, you can go up to your room and decided what to do next when you feel better.  
"But what if you people are wrong what if someone else is with Mark," Simon asked them finally.  
"We'll he is on guard duty tonight, so whoever he is fucking he shouldn't be doing it outside his free hours."  
"You sneaky little fox," Simon smiled at her now realizing why she insisted for Mark to have more than a week long night shifts.

"No, fuck if I'll do that, I will make a fucking example out of them," Negan interrupted them, like he wasn't even listening to what they were saying and just came back to reality with his decision, Alice smiled at him, deep down inside she was hoping this will be approach he would take.  
"Then we better start making it, I would hate for him to finish before he sees us."

II

Simon kicked the door opened and stepping aside to let Negan and Alice enter the room before him. Negan came first whistling at the scene in front to him, Alice just popped from behind him, looking over his shoulder, hopping up and leaning her chin on it, "let me see, boss, let me see."

Amber was bent over the table, resting her face on it with her skirt lifted up, and Mark banging into her from behind at rapid pace, sweating and cursing something under his chin, then they both saw Negan, Alice and Simon looking at them, but didn't stop what they were doing, just stared at the trio, trying to figure out are they real or just a premonitions from the ecstasy.

"Attaboy, hahaha, he is not ever stopping!", Alice laughed at them, now standing at Negan's side, leaning her elbow on his shoulders.

"Did I make her all wide and comfy for you boy? It did take some time and really hard work, but seeing how you are sliding in and out with such easy makes me think I did an amazing job," at that moment Mark and Amber realized that the people standing in front of them were very much real and that they were very much screwed.

Mark stopped his pace, still inside Amber and looked at them, no sure how to react, while the woman started to squirm beneath him, pushing him away from her and fixing her dress back in place and running her fingers through her ragged hair, like she was trying to erase all the signs of the act everyone just witnessed. Mark was still standing at the same place with his pants down around his ankles, too petrified to even move.  
Amber started to walk towards the door, trying to get out of the room that was now crowded, keeping her eyes down and her pace steady, she walked past Alice, when she grabbed her by her upper arm, swinging her in half circle and throwing her back into the room.

Amber came head first slamming her entire body against Mark, who hugged her with both his hands, keeping her close to him, her face was now in his chest, not daring to face the judgment that awaits them.

"Can someone tell him to pull those pants back up, I swear I will puke and this alcohol is not making thing easier for me," Simon was the one to break the silence, pointing at Marks pants while turning his face to the side.  
"I very much like the sight of his blue balls," Alice told them, keeping her arms crossed.

Negan was silent, looking at the pair, not making a sound, that got Alice worried, knowing how bad he felt that entire day and now with this playing out, she leaned closer to him, so no one could see her hand on his back, tapping it slowly, trying to call him back to reality.

He just turned and looked at the Simon with a dead serious expression on his face, "call for the guards, take him to the cell."  
Simon just nodded leaving him and Alice alone in the room, Amber started to scream, "you can't do that."  
"Yes, I, can!" Negan shouted at her, with his voice filling the room and making everyone shiver, even Alice jumped a little at that moment, looking him in the face trying to read how far gone was he, but there was nothing to read, his face was empty, no emotion written on it, not even the anger.

"Then take her with me, she knew about us all along," Mark finally spoke, pointing his finger at Alice.  
"You lying bastard!", Alice yelled at him, wishing she could slice him in half at that moment.

"You knew about them?", Negan now turned to look at her in disbelief.  
Alice shivered at that moment, feeling him and his trust slipping away from her, and for what, for a mother, her only child cared so little for that would risk her health for a good fuck.  
"No, I didn't know he is fucking her!", she yelled, she didn't want to yell, but that was all she could do now, if she talked any lower no sound would come out, seeing how her throat was clenching from anger.  
Negan was looking at her, trying to figure out was she telling the truth or not, his head was pounding, all he wanted was to sleep, he cursed himself for not taking Alice's offer and let her and Simon deal with this.  
"But you knew something?"  
"Yes," Alices looked him in the eyes, not once deflecting his accusing stare, she was ready for whatever punishment he would find fit for her, she knew she made a mistake, "I saw them talking the other day behind kitchen, I interrupted them and escorted Amber back to your room," when the words were out of her mouth, she felt like a huge weight was lifted from her heart.

"Alice came to me today, saying she wants Mark to have all night shifts for next ten days, and told me why, " Simons told Negan, while coming back with the guards, he heard entire conversation from behind the corner and first time since the world went to shit decided to stand up in someone defense.  
"That is the thing I told you, you'd be the first to know if it turns to be truth."  
Negan was now looking at Mark and finally, the smile broke on his face, "Take him."

When the guards dragged Mark to the cell, Negan turned to leave, telling Simon to escort Amber back to her room and not let her out, Alice just stood there looking after him, she wanted to move, to say something, but she couldn't.  
"Negan…", she called for him  
"I am tired, I will go to bed now," and he left her there, she was looking at him while he went around the corner not giving her a second glance, she was left alone in the hallway, with empty walls echoing with silence, she went back to the Janitors room, closing the doors behind her and curled in the corner, bringing her legs close to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees.

If he had yelled at her she would have taken it like a champ, if he locked her in the cell she would take it like a champ, if he sent her to work the fence she would have taking it like a champ, but him just turning away from her, without saying a word was something she couldn't take like a champ, moments like this were the moment when normal people would cry, but she was not normal, she didn't know what to do with the stone that was now forming inside her chest, making it hard for her to breath.  
She wanted to kick something, to kill something, to shoot at something, to yell, to run, to swim, to fuck, anything just to get those thoughts out of her head, but she couldn't to any of those things, all she could do now is to wait for morning to come, and for night to pass, and it was a thousand years long night.

_III_

_Alice was standing in the white room, walls around her were shining, she took a few steps and saw the surface of the floor moving, making_ tiny _waves around her feet, "careful doll, don't want to lose you," the voice echoed around her, she knew that voice, she looked around herself trying to find a source of it, but there was no one there but her._

_"You are all already dead," she heard a new voice, one she didn't recognize filling the_ room _like it was talking on a speakerphone._

_She turned around again and saw a black lock on one a_ wall _behind her, but it_ wasn't attached _to any doors, it looked like it was just glued there and left, she took a few careful steps towards it, carefully placing her hand on it and turning it around. She heard a click and entire room she was in started to shake, the silence was now filled with gunshots and screams, then a red liquid started dropping down from the wall that was in front of her, soon those few drops became a stream, splashing the red liquid all over her, she looked at her hands and realized it was blood coming from every crack in the wall, crumbling it down._

_She cover her eyes with her arm, trying to protect them from the growing stream, then all of the sudden it stopped, she slowly let her arm fall, looking at the spot where the wall once was, in front of her she was a room, almost identical_ to _the one she was in but with black walls, Negan was standing in the middle of it, swinging Lucile, "Negan," she called for him._

_"Doll you made it, oh, am I glad to see you," he spread his arm, letting Lucile fall to the ground and started walking towards her side of the room, with a wide smile on his face._

_Then all of the sudden he stopped, like his feet_ were _glued to the floor, "what the fuck," he tried to free himself, "Alice, doll, a_ little _help here."_

_She started to run towards him, but didn't make a_ step _before hitting on something that looked like an invisible wall, Negan started jerking his legs up with more force, but nothing happened, he couldn't move, he looked up at her, she was hitting the wall with her leg but to no avail. She_ _stepped away from it and slammed her entire body against it, with all the force she could manage, but nothing, she couldn't hear a crack forming._

_She looked at Negan when a loud growl filled both rooms, she started to hit on the barrier more urgently, when Negan looked at her, tilting his head to the side, with eyes filled with tears "sorry doll," and with that, large white jaws came from the dark and_ bitten _down on his neck._

_"Nooo!" Alice yelled, slamming her body against whatever the fuck was in front of her, trying to get to him, she saw something dragging him in the dark, leaving a trail of white blood on the black floor.  
And everything around her was silent once more, now only Lucile was left in the room in front of her, laying on the place he let her fall._

_Alice fell on her knees, sobbing, "No, not him. Not again," she let her head fall to the floor before she started to scream, "fuck you, you hear me, fuck you, fuck your big plan, fuck all of you. I will kill every single living person in this fucking world. Do you hear me, fuck you!"_

_She felt something touching her hand, she opened her eyes, and saw that once_ white _floor was stained with red drops, she swept her cheek with her hand, trying to dry the tears away and saw a trace of blood on it, she stood up, "what the fuck?!"_

_At that second something grabbed her by her ankles, she looked down and saw a white hand reaching from the floor and grabbing her, then another one appeared grabbing her by her calf not soon after dozen of hand were reaching for her pulling her down and she started to skin into the white surface of the floor, and more she sank down, the floor became more and_ more red _.  
She didn't fight, she let them sink her limp body down, keeping her eyes locked on the Lucile that was still laying on the same place. She felt nothing, not anger, not joy, not fear nor peace, she just stared at the bat laying on the floor before everything went dark._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say the sun brings life to the world. The sun will rise and look is it not a corpse? Everything is dead and there are corpses everywhere. Just people and around them silence…that is the world! Love one another…who said that? Whose command is that? The pendulum swings unfeelingly, antagonistically. It's two o'clock at night. Her slippers are standing by her bed as if waiting for her….No, seriously, when they take her away tomorrow, what shall I do?
> 
> —Fyodor Dostoyevsky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.
> 
> Lyrics used in this chapter are from a song Drunken Whaler, it's from a Dishonored game soundtrack, and it can be found on youtube if anyone is interested.

Negan woke up that morning, with his headache gone and his body back to normal, but his mind was now in the worst state than his body was yesterday. He didn't care for Amber, nor did he care about her fucking someone else, as long as she did break any rule while doing so, he hated to feel disrespected and he hated disloyal people, but even that altogether didn't disrupt him as much as the knowledge that Alice may have known about it all along, he talked to the Simon last night before turning to go to bed, and he reassured him she didn't have any knowledge about them sleeping together, trying to put his mind at ease.

He was about to leave the room, standing beside the window looking out at the compound, trying to get his thoughts in a line that made at least some sense, when the doors slammed opened with Alice storming into the room.  
She just stood there, looking at his bed, then falling on her knees beside it and starting to weep, "No, no, no, it was supposed to be just a dream, no, no, no."  
He was watching her, not sure what to do or what to say, he slowly started to walk toward her, trying not to scare her, she looks like she was sleepwalking, he was now standing just a feet away from her, debating in his head should he touch her or not.  
"No, no, no, it was just a dream, a dream. You bastard you should be alive, just a dream, a dream, a dream, a dream."  
" Doll?", he reached for her, placing his hand on her shoulder.  
She abruptly stood up, turning around and looking at him with wide eyes, she then took one long step toward him, closing the empty space that was separating them, she placed her hand on his chest and closed her eyes.  
"It's beating," she smiled, with one single tear falling from her right eye, "you are real."  
"Doll, I'm too fucked up to be made up."  
Her smile widened, she was still looking at her hand resting on his chest, "you are breathing", she looked up at him with eyes sparkling with joy, resting her other hand on his beard and running it through it.  
"It was just a dream."  
"Doll are you alright?"  
"I am now," the tone of her voice was so low, it sent shivers down his spine, he felt like it was not her standing there, like it was not his Alice but just and empty shell, like an urn filled with ashes of who she usually was. There was no passion in her voice, no emotion to match her face, just a flat tone with not one vibration in it.  
"Fuck it doll, snap out of it."  
And in a second she took his head in her hands pulling him closer and planting a long kiss on his lips, he was taken aback by that but not a second after he relaxed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer.  
"I…I dreamed I lost you," she told him while resting her forehead against his, running her finger across his lips and looking at them, and with that sentence, he saw her coming back to life.  
"It was just a dream, doll."  
"No, Negan it was a warning, not a dream. What if I lose you, what if…."  
"Shhh, doll you won't lose me. It was just a dream," she looked at him, with another tear leaving her eye.  
"I am so sorry, I truly am."  
"I know, doll, I know."

Alice was back to her usual self in a matter of minutes, pacing from one side of the room to another while Negan and Simon were sitting at the coffee table, Negan's head was down in some papers while Simon was tracking her pace with his head.  
"Hey, psycho, psycho, will you stop?" , he called for her but she was just looking down, biting the top of her thumb and mumbling something under her chin.  
"Hey, psycho?", he called again for her but there was no use.  
"Give it up Simon, she doesn't hear you," Negan finally told him not lifting his head from the papers.  
"The fuck she does not, she is right there."  
"Believe me, man, she is not here."  
"Is she always like this when she is thinking."  
"Yes, all the fucking time."  
"How the fuck you don't get dizzy with her walking around like that. I swear I am seeing double."  
"You get used to it. And most of the times I don't suffer from a hangover," Negan now looked up at him, smiling from ear to ear, seeing himself from just a day ago sitting across the table.  
"How the fuck was I supposed to know she can drink like a fucking pirate and still stay sober. The plan was to get her drunk."  
"You live and learn man," Negan let his head fall again, trying to figure out new plans for rerouting the walkers when he heard a familiar giggle coming from beside his.  
He looked up and Alice was standing at his side, looking down on him, with a wide smile spreading all over her face, showing her toothy white grin, he knew that smile and he knew exactly what comes after it.  
"Ready doll?"  
"Oh, I am ready," she told him looking at Simon now, "this is going to be so much fun!"  
She practically jumped of joy, Negan laughed while Simon ran his hand through his hair, getting ready for whatever plan her mind twisted up.

The hall with the furnace was full, with everyone from the compound gathered there, in the middle of it was a blue folding chair, people that were standing there formed a circle around it not daring to come close to it. That chair has become an ominous sign, every time it would show up to stand there someone died or wished that he was dead, sometimes it would just stand there for days with no one moving it and everyone walking wide circles around it.  
When they woke up this morning it was already there, no one knew who put it and who's the one for whom the seat was meant for, past few days were relatively calm, everyone was still freaked out with a new girl that came along not more than two weeks ago, but with time they learned to adjust to her stares, her popping out in the most unusual places when she wasn't with Negan, looking around compound, sometimes even just silently standing and listening to them talk, one man even swears he saw her sitting on one of the trusses and looking down at them while they were eating, that theory everyone discarded fast, because the source was pretty unreliable and it was almost impossible for someone to climb so close to the ruff.

The top door opened, Negan was the first to come in with Lucile resting on his shoulder, after him, Simon came standing at his right side and tucking his thumbs into his belt, they were both standing on the upper staircase, looking down at the group gathered there.  
They were all kneeling, looking down at the ground, when Negan spread his arms and laughed, "you may stand up now," he spoke to the group.  
"Ladies and Gentlemen's, we are gathered here today for not so pleasant occasion," he began his speech.  
"Last night, something very dreadful occurred, very, very dreadful, and you know what it was?", he asked the group, leaning a bit closer to the rail, waiting for a reply he knew he was not going to get.  
"No, one? Well, I'll tell you what fucking happened last fucking night, last fucking night the fucking rules were broken! ", his voice echoed through the hall, making everyone jump in their place a little.  
"And you know I am a sucker for rules, hey, I can't help myself, that's just the way I fucking am! And when someone breaks them, what do they get.?!"  
"AN IRON!" everyone said in unison  
"That's right people, they get a fucking IRON. And we all know what kind of nasty business that can be," he laughed, ghosting his finger over his beard and glancing at Simon.  
"That is why we are fucking lucky today is not that day! Are you people surprise? Confused? Let me fucking explain to you why today is not that fucking day. "  
He looked around the hall, taking his time to look at everyone staring there, he lifted the hand in which he was holding Lucile and pointed in the direction of the door, at that moment two men came with Amber walking in front to them, she was shivering and crying, wrapping her arms around herself.  
She came to Negan's side and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him, "Shhh, I am not going to hurt you, I would never hurt one of you," he whispered in her ear before kissing the top of her head.  
Then he looked down at the crowd still standing there, letting Amber go, and walking one step close to the rail.  
"Last night fucking rules were broken, but something else happened, last night someone tried to break a fucking trust between two people, and for fucking what? For trying to save his own fucking stupid ass, and that fucking hurts and you know why it fucking hurts! Because a loyalty and trust are two most precious things left in this screwed up world! If the rules are here to keep us alive, trust and loyalty are the things that uphold those rules, they are their foundation, with those two fucking things gone rules would fucking collapse, and what would we have then? Nothing, we would have fucking nothing! So it pisses me off when someone jeopardizes what we are building here for his own fucking pleasure! And you all know how I am when I am pissed, but there is on person here who is far worse than me and look at the coincidence, that person is one of the to be damaged parties. Luckily we managed to avoid any serious damage, but lessons must be learned, two crimes were committed last night, and for one the guilty party will be punished today. But not by me, no, I will let the victim take this one on, the way she finds it fit. Bring the fucker that made us come here today and made me skip my noon fuck!", Negan yell at his two men standing beside the lower entrance.

At that moment doors opened and Mark came into the hall, with his hands tied behind his back, he was accompanied by two men, they made him sit on the chair, holding his shoulders so he couldn't get up, Negan was looking down at him, with his pearl smile spreading across his face, he turned to look at Amber whose face was down, looking at the ground, not wanting to see what comes next. Negan leaned closer to her, "you may want to pay attention to this, sweetheart."  
She looked at him, her big eyes were red and full of tears with her pale face matching them, "please don't do this," she pleaded, with a shaky voice, glancing down to the spot where Mark was.  
"Oh, but I ain't doing shit sweetheart, I am here to watch just as you are."

Her face changed million face expressions at once and even more colors in a second, she looked down at the crowd trying to figure out what was he talking about, then it hit her, someone was not with them, she look back down, that someone was not down there, then she looked at Negan with petrified expression on her face. Finally, the words he spoke just a minute ago started making sense, she knew Alice was the one Mark told on and she knew what Alice did to one of their men just because he was looking wrong at a fifteen-year-old. Her eyes widened, shaking her head and looking down at Mark, she wanted to say something but she lost her voice, Negan just cocked his head, while a satisfied smile on his face, making a clicking noise with his tongue before the lower doors opened again.

The sound of metal scratching over concrete was heard, people moved away to make a passage for Alice to pass, but she didn't come that way, she circled around them, walking close to the wall and dragging her machete over it, getting everyone attention with the sound, she was wearing her thigh leather pants, her leather jacket that was covered with her long ragged vest, her face shield was around the neck, she had her knives with her and her Eagle was now strapped to her other thigh.

When she made a half circle around them she started moving through the group towards where Mark was and smiled at him, "well good morning Mark, hope you had a good night sleep. Mine was dreadful, but I think this day will make up for it. "  
He was watching her while breathing heavily through his teeth, Alice turned around and looked up to where Negan, Simon, and Amber were standing, Negan's smile became even wider than it was a few minutes ago, while Amber was sobbing beside him, looking down at her and shaking her head slowly, trying to get at least some kind of compassion from her.  
Alice winked back at that, taking a step forward with her one leg and making a full wide bow, with her forehead touching her knee and her machete extended in front of her with both of her hands resting on its handle and leaning on it, she looked up at them again not leaving that position, this time she smiled at Negan, who just nodded at her.

She stood up, turning her full attention to Mark now, she was just staring at him for a full minute, without any expression on her face, then she looked around the group standing behind him and saw Daryl there, with a mop and a bucket of water, he was looking directly at her while Dwight was standing at his side, looking up at Amber with a destruct expression..  
"Daryl, come here, I need you closer," she gestured with her free hand for him to come to her side.  
Dwight looked at him, he was standing there still leaning on the handle of his mop, now looking at the floor, when he pushed him to walk forward, making him almost fall.  
"There is no need for that!", Alice's voice rolled like thunder trough the silent room, Dwight looked at her, heavily swallowing whatever he wanted to say and taking a step backward to blend in the crowd.  
Daryl bent down to take a bucket filled with water, "there will be no need for that either, leave it there," he looked up at her, letting the mop to fall on the ground and slowly coming to stand by her side.  
"How are you, boy, is your foot any better?", Alice asked him, loud enough for everyone to hear while concentrating her eyes at Dwight and the rest of the guards standing near him, Daryl just nodded, letting his head fall again.  
"Good, we are having enough problems with the guards as it is!"  
She looked at Mark, he was looking up to where Amber was standing with Negan's arm around her waist, Alice looked up and smiled, "no, no, I am standing right here, you will be looking at me! While you still have eyes to even look!"

Amber sobbed loudly at this, trying to leave Negan's embrace, but he was holding her tightly with his arm, not letting her move.  
"Don't go sweet thing, I was just kidding," Alice looked up at her and chuckled, "some people just don't have a sense of humor," she told Daryl while giving him her machete to hold.  
"C'mon man, take it for a second," he peeked through his bangs at her, while taking a machete and loosely holding it in his hand, "oh, c'mon, boy, if that is how you hold everything, I would not be surprised you not having a nice gal waiting for you to come back."  
Alice turned around, not even looking at his reaction at this, and looked at Mark again, she took her vest and jacket off, remaining only in black tank top, she took a machete from Daryl now, and gave him her clothing, signaling him to move away.  
"Helo again, Mark, remember me?"  
Mark was looking at her, his face now turning red from anger, "wow, men, you look like your head is about to explode, careful there."  
She pointed the end of the blade of her machete at him, "I wouldn't want this to be over before it even starts."  
Alice gesture for guards to move and let go of his shoulder, she started slowly circling around the chair where he was sitting, humming some tune to herself.  
"What will we do with a drunken whaler? What will we do with a drunken whaler? What will we do with a drunken whaler?... Early in the morning."

She was now standing behind him, bringing her machete over his shoulders and leaning her chin on them, looking at the place where Negan and Amber were standing, continuing to sing in his ear  
'Way-hay, and up she rises. Way-hay, and up she rises. Way-hay, and up she rises, early in the morning."  
"And she does my dear Mark, almost every morning, with a smile on her face, especially when leaving Negan's room. ", she chuckled in his ear, lifting her machete up to his throat and straightening her back, looking up at Negan.

"Stuff him in a sack and throw him over. Stuff him in a sack and throw him over, Stuff him in a sack and throw him over, early in the morning?"  
She was now singing out loud so everyone can hear her, Negan smiled, pulling Amber closer to himself and shaking his head. Alice shrugged her shoulders, moving machete away from him and walking towards the place where Daryl was standing, taking the handle of it between her middle and index finger and giving it to him.

She was circling around Mark again, with her hands locked behind her back, she was standing at his right side, turning to look at Simon this time, "Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner. Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner. Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner, early in the morning?" ,  
Simon just shook his head, straightening his back.  
"Early in the evening?", she now asked Negan with a playful voice, he just laughed and shook his head. "You're no fun," she smirked, looking at Amber.

She now took her Eagle from its holster and learned it close to Marks temple, pushing his head to the side with it, she titled her head to her right, stretching her lips over her face, then walked to stand in front of him and brought her gun close his chest,

"Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol. Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol. Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol, early in the morning," she pulled down the safety when Amber yelled "No", Alice turned around looking at her and smiled.  
"Ok," she lowered her pistol down and walked towards Daryl again giving it to him.

She now reached for one of her knives and pulled it from her belt, looking at it and smiling at Daryl, giving him a wink and turning around and walking towards where Mark was sitting, with his head falling down and sweat dripping down his forehead. She took a fistful of his hair in her hand, standing behind him and pulling his head back, placing the tip of her knife on the side of his throat and looking him in the eyes.

"Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver. Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver, early in the morning?"  
She then looked at Daryl, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head, "Nope, not worth cleaning the blade."  
She patted Mark on his cheek and unstrapped her belt from her thigh, throwing it to Daryl, he caught it and placed it beside the rest of her things.  
"I am all out of weapons and ideas here," she spoke, turning around herself with her arms spread.  
"What do I do with you?", she asked Mark, standing feet away from him, bending down so she could be on his eye level, taking his chin in her head and forcing him to look at her.

"You can suck my dick," he hissed at her and she started laughing, planting a fist in his abdomen and making him lose his breath.  
"It is a bit late for propositions like that, don't you think!? I mean, did you even clean your dick from last night? Or you expect me to suck other woman's juices from it?", she now made him straighten up, straddling his lap, taking his head in her hands and making him look at her again.  
"Cause I would rather lick them right out of her," she smiled, now being all up in his face, "but you see, I can't and do you know why I can't!?", she yelled, " because she belongs to another man and that is just a fucking degrading thing to do yourself."  
She punched his ribs before getting up and stepping few steps away, looking at Negan, he was looking at her with serious face expression, before softening a little; she titled her head to her right, faintly smiling at him.

"Do you know what is an even more degrading thing to do?!", she yelled again, not turning around, keeping her eyes locked with Negan's, "to try and break a trust between to people just to save your sorry ass."  
Her face fell on the ground, remembering the way she felt last night, remembering the moment Negan turned his back on her and the dream she had.  
She swiftly turned around, lifting her leg and hitting Mark in a chest with her foot, he fell on his back with a chair, the sound of metal falling down on the floor and his scream filled the room. Everyone gasped, Alice was now straddling him again, holding him by the collar of his shirt and lifting him from the ground just a bit.

Dwight had the clearest view, her face was red, her eyes were even bigger than they usually are when she is mad, and her irises were completely black, she was breathing heavily through her nose, looking at Marks' face, not blinking

"You tried to take something away from me, something that was not yours to take! You fucking lied! You fucking snaked around! You broke the fucking rules, the rules ever a dummy should understand, giving how simple they are! You endangered everyone here by leaving your fucking post! What is your fucking excuse!", she was now yelling so loud people on their guard duties could hear her, shaking him by his collar "Tell me you pathetic waste of air! What is your fucking excuse?"

"ALICE!", the voice broke to her, Negan left Amber to stand on her own, standing close to the rail and looking down at Alice. Alice looked up at him, standing up and leaving Mark so the guard can lift him up and put him back in the position he was before, she took a few steps toward Negan, they were looking each other in the eyes when Mark spoke.

"He took something from me, it is only fair I take something from him," Alice turned around, Mark was sitting in the same position again, looking up at Amber, Negan tightened his jaw looking at him, they were exchanging looks for a few second with tension growing. Negan wanted nothing more than to go down and finish what Alice started and was about to leave his position when Alice burst into laughter getting everyone's attention, she started to hysterically laugh, wrapping her arms around her belly and wiping the tears that were running down her face. It took her entire minute to get a hold of herself during which time everyone was staring at her and exchanging looks amongst each other, not sure what is happening, even Negan was confused, not expecting her to react the way she did.

"He took something from me, it is only fair I take something from him," Alice mockingly repeated what Mark said just a minute ago.  
"He didn't take anything from you, you fucking imbecile. Are you really that fucking stupid?"  
Mark opened his mouth to speak, but Alice was faster, "Did he make this fucking world the way it is? Did he create this fucking virus that brought us the end days? Did he take away your home from you? Did he kill you family and everyone you know? Did he burn down your house?"  
Alice was not yelling in his face, "No! He did not, all he did is fuck your ex after she agreed to be fucked! Suck it up, you fucking wimp!"

"And what was she supposed to do, let her mother die?"  
"Why didn't you fucking provide then, you seem capable, you can fight, why the fuck didn't you step up?"  
Mark was silently looking at her, not knowing what to say, "I will tell you why you didn't because you are a fucking wimp! You are so used to getting everything you want without an effort with that pretty face of yours, it fucking blows your mind that now you need to work for something to get it for yourself and working to get something for someone else is an idea your brain can't fucking comprehend. "  
"That is not how it should work! Meds are too expensive and it is wrong for some to have them and others don't'."

Alice looked at him and smiled, "I have a few questions for people that don't go on runs and work for points. How many of you can fight that is not part of the run teams?", she spoke to the group standing around them, no one made a sound.  
"How many of you want to go and fight outside these walls?", no one made a sound  
"How many of you had regular meals before you got here?", no one made a sound  
"How many of you have children here?", more than a dozen people lifted their hands.  
"How many of you want to have children here?" few people lifted their hands.  
"How many of you can defend this fucking place if we were to be under a fucking attack?", no one made a sound.

She then looked at Mark, still smiling, "See, weasel, there is one thing you need to understand and everyone who has your fucking level of stupidity should also understand. People with privileges here are people who can defend this fucking place, and without them, this place falls, they put their asses on the line every fucking time they go out to bring you people something to eat, and you fucking think you even have a right to ask why they are privileged. Are you really that fucking stupid?!"

"You are just tyrants! Nothing more! And you are just as same as he is if not worst, it is easy to torture people who are tied up and looking self-righteous. You are sick woman, and in normal world, you would be locked down, not let run loose!", Alice looked at him, her face turning red, he hit the spot no one should touch and she was losing it.  
"Alice, doll, do whatever you want with him!", she turned around and saw Negan, his face was red as well, he was clutching his jaw, with his hands tightly holding down on the rail.

"Untie him!", Alice told the guard, still looking at Negan, he tilted his head, not sure of what was she trying to do.  
"If he wants to prove how tough guy he really is, he will have to beat me," she now turned to Mark, "let's see how will it look like when a girl beats your ass. What will that do to that swollen ego of yours?"

Guard came behind him and untied his hands, Mark stood up, rubbing his wrists and confusingly looking at Alice, not sure of what to do or how to react, she was standing there with her arms crossed, leaning on one leg and smiled at him, "today would be nice."  
"I am not going to hit a woman."  
"No, you are going to hit the tyrant as you called me, a few moments ago."  
He looked up at Negan, he was pinning him down with his stare, sending a clear message of what will happen to him if he oversteps the line.

"Well c'mon!", Alice taunted him, he looked at her, straightening his posture and not moving.  
"Really, man, you are going to let me strike first?", Mark was silently looking at her, and not a second has pass he felt his breath was kicked out of his lungs and saw her foot coming to his abdomen again, he fell down, curling himself on the ground trying to catch a breath, while Alice was circling around him, looking down at him with the same relentless smile on her face.  
"Get up you bag of shit!", she spat on him, trying to make him angry, "you fucking challenged me, now get the fuck up and call your own fucking bluff, or what did you think I was a coward just like you and that I wouldn't see through your game."  
Mark looked up at her, she was standing on the other side of the circle, smiling at him, he looked around at people who were standing behind her, they were all smiling at him, whispering something to one another, he looked on the other side the same thing, he looked up, Negan and Simon were looking the same way at him with Amber keeping her eyes to the ground not even glancing at the spot he was lying, he felt humiliated, he looked up at Alice again, and growled "you fucking bitch" while getting up and charging towards her.

She was smiling at him as she saw him coming to attack her, just a second before he would tackle her, she moved making him fall into the audience gathered there, few men kept him from falling on his nose and straighten him up, he looked around himself trying to find Alice, she was now on the other side standing at Daryl's side.  
"Looks like a puppy does have teeth," she was talking to Daryl, not even paying attention to him making his anger only grow.

"I will kill you!" he yelled at her, she just laughed at that, shaking her head.  
"I would love to see you fucking try," she was unnaturally calm.  
Mark run in her direction again, this time ready for her to move away, but she didn't, she moved towards him, crouched down and extending her leg, making his stumble, with no one to catch him, he fell on his nose.  
Alice took him by his legs and dragged him in the middle of the circle, she stood over him, crunching down and taking a fistful of his hair in her hand, lifting his head and making him look at the direction where Negan was standing, "you only mistake here is trying to take something I care about from me, I would slit your throat right here and watch you bleed out like a pig you are, but unfortunately my order are different, congratulations you get to live," Alice whispered in his ear before letting him go.

"Good thing I don't have such orders," he told her before grabbing her ankle and making her fall down one her back and hitting her head, he was straddling her in second with his hands over her throat.

Negan looked down, trying to understand what is happening then looking around himself, trying to find a fast route down, but being unable to move, like his legs were glued to the ground, he tried to give orders but his voice gave up on his, all he heard was a buzzing sound and all he saw was Alice's face turning read as she was losing her breath.  
"Doll," he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hurt myself deeply, though at the time I had no idea how deeply. I should have learned many things from that experience, but when I look back on it, all I gained was one single, undeniable fact. That ultimately I am a person who can do evil. I never consciously tried to hurt anyone, yet good intentions notwithstanding, when necessity demanded, I could become completely self-centered, even cruel. I was the kind of person who could using some plausible excuse, inflict on a person I cared for a wound that would never heal."
> 
> ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

"Doll!" finally his voice found a way out, Mark looked up at him, with Alice's throat still in his hands, he smiled at Negan and then looked at Simon who was furrowing his eyebrow trying to figure out what is he seeing while Amber looked petrified, clearly aware of the consequences of his actions.  
Negan looked at Daryl who was nervously looking at the place where Alice was lying, shifting his weight from one foot to another, fighting in his head what he should to, Negan hoped he will be able to catch his eyes and somehow signal him to help, but his eyes never drifted from a place where Alice was.

Alice's world went dark the moment her head hit the floor, all she could see was black all she could feel was her throat tightening and her breath failing her, as the world became clearer she felt a weight of another person on her and hands around her neck. She opened her eyes and saw Mark was looming over her, but he was not looking in her direction, she averted her eyes and saw Negan and Simon standing there, they looked like two statues, not moving, Negan face was distorted, he was opening and closing his mouth, like he was calling for someone, but she couldn't hear a sound, seconds felt like hours, then finally she heard him yelling her name.  
 _"Why is he yelling, what's wrong"_ she thought to herself, then the realization hit her like a train, she is dying, Mark is killing her and Negan is watching, the jolt of adrenaline rushed through her body, she looked at Mark, his attention was now on her, as he became aware that she regained her conscience, and he tightened his grip even more.  
"You die today."  
Alice heard Negan calling for her again, and at that moment she managed to bend her leg and bring her knee hard into Marks genitals, making him scream, he let go of her, falling to his side and going into fetus position, holding his crotch.  
Alice stood up, holding her neck and coughing, she stumbled few steps backward, when she felt a hand on her, moving her hand from her throat and examining it.

It was Daryl, he was now standing in front of her while her things were on the ground, he run his fingers over her throat looking at it,  
"Are you ok?",he asked her.  
"Alice can you hear me?", she was just looking at him, still feeling Marks hand on her, the breathing was painful, she leaned on Daryl, bending down trying to puke, but nothing came out.  
"Alice, can you speak?", Daryl was panicking when he felt someone coming from behind him and pushing him to the side.

"Alice, doll," Alice felt another hand on her and felt a familiar smell of leather, she looked up and saw that Negan replaced Daryl.  
"Speak, doll, please, fucking speak," his face was red, he looked like he just aged ten years, the lines on her forehead and around his eyes were dipper than this morning, and his lips were so thin you couldn't even see them beneath his beard.  
Alice nodded, looking over his shoulder and seeing that Mark was getting up and stumbling toward them, at that moment she pushed past Negan and stormed toward the man, planting his fist into his stomach, making his fall again.  
"I am not going to die," she kicked his back making him arch in another direction, "not by the hand of a weakling like you," she leaned down kicking his ribcage with her elbow, "you pathetic excuse of a human" this time she kicked his stomach again.

She was at it until he lost conscience and she got tired, she looked up at people around them, they looked like they just saw a devil coming back to life, she puffed her hair from her face looking at them, breathing heavily, then she turned around and saw Negan and Daryl looking at her, waiting for her next move.

She looked down to where Mark was now lying, spitting on him and walking toward the spot where Daryl dropped her stuff and started to get dressed.  
"Take him in the cell, let Carson fix him up until I decide what to do with him," Negan told his men while walking towards where Alice now was, placing his hand on her shoulder and making her turn.  
He looked at her neck, moving her face shield over her head and throwing it down on the ground, he ghosted his hand over it not daring to touch it, his eyes looked heavy, he was looking at her neck and then looked at her.  
"Are you ok?", he asked her in a low tone.  
Alice nodded, closing her eyes when she felt his fingers running over her neck skin, "does it hurt?"  
She smiled, "nothing I am not used to by now."  
"What were you thinking?"  
"Nothing, I wasn't", she admitted, letting her head fall.  
"Go and rest, we'll talk later," Negan told her, placing a kiss on her forehead and leaving her.

II

Alice was in her room when she heard a knock on the door, she stood up from her bed and opened them, to find Daryl standing there with a tray of food.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Negan told me to bring you this," she looked down at the tray it was filled with every kind of fruit they had in the compound, carefully sliced and arrange on a big plate.  
"Who told you that?", she was suspicious, events from the last night reminded her of something she somehow forgot and that was the fact that everyone is on its own and no matter how good someone is to you or how good you are to them, they would drag you to the same pit they were in, if nothing just so they wouldn't burn alone.

"Negan told me and he also said to tell you that if you like someone will make you some lemonade as well."  
Alice laughed at that, moving to the side and gesturing for Daryl to come in and leave a tray of food on the table.  
"Of course he did," she smiled, sitting at the foot of the bed, "it is ok, I think I will survive without it."

"You almost died," Daryl spoke, looking at the radio instead of her like he was speaking to it.  
"That's truth," Alice smiled at him, catching his eyes, "don't tell anyone, ok."  
"Was it worth it?"  
"What?"  
"Almost dying was it worth the point you were proving there?"  
"You bet your sweet ass it was."

Daryl was silent, looking around her room, he saw a few pictures hanging on her refrigerator and saw the one of her and Negan alone, smiling.  
"I once knew a pair that loved each other so much they would have done anything for one another."  
"Yeah, and you don't know them anymore?"  
"There are not together now, Negan killed one of them and I caused it then she died from the aftermath.  
Alice's face fell, she remembered that night, and the face of the woman the moment Negan's second victim fell, " _Maggie, I'll find you",_ she shook her head at the memory.  
"Do you think he found her?"  
Daryl looked down at her, tilting his head to the side, waiting for her to explain her question.

Alice stood up, walking towards the tray of fruit and looking down at it, every slice was carefully placed making a perfect rainbow of colors, it looked too beautiful to even eat, no one in the kitchens would make something like that and that brought a smile to her face.

"That night, your friend told his wife he would find her," she turned around looking ad Daryl, "do you think he did?"  
Daryl narrowed his eyes at her, "what kind of question is that?"

"When she died, do you think he found her in the after. Do you think an after exists? ", Daryl was silent, looking at her, she was now standing on the other side of her room, holding her Eagle in her hand and running her finger over its engravings.  
"He didn't know she will die after him, he thought he would be able to find her while she still walked this earth, do you think he could have? Did he saw her taking her last breath? Did it hurt him or was he glad they would be reunited?"

"Why are you asking me this?"  
"I was just thinking, can we find people we love if we go away and they stay here, can we still be at their side, to protect them, to guide them? And if they die, do we feel guilt like it was our fault, do we feel pain, happiness? "  
"Why?"  
"Why, what?"  
"Why would you think about something like that? "  
Alice smiled at him, slipping her gun back inside its holster and taking a slice of apple from the trail, "probably just a consequence of the lack of oxygen. Come sit, I will make you something to eat."  
"I really don't think it's a good idea, I should go."  
"I just got myself almost killed, believe me, making you something to eat is not such a big deal, and what's the worst thing that could happen? Dwight gets the heart attack if he goes looking for you, big deal."  
Daryl smiled at that, taking a seat by the coffee table, while Alice fumbled around the refrigerator trying to figure out what is the fastest thing she could scrabble up.

When Daryl left her, Alice decided to take a nap, feeling the exhaustion of the day getting to her finally.  
She was sleeping when she felt a finger moving over her neck, she felt her adrenaline rising, she abruptly woke up, taking a knife from beneath her pillow, tackling down whoever was sitting on the bed and bringing the knife close to his throat.  
"Woohoo, easy there, doll, it's me."  
Her vision cleared out, and she realized it was Negan laying beneath her and smiling at her reaction, she straightened up a little lowering her knife.

"Fuck it, boss, sorry, you frightened me there."  
"It's alright doll, good to see you have fast reflexes. Now, will you get off me or?"  
"Do I have to?"  
"Well, fuck no. But I won't be responsible for what comes next."  
Alice smirked at that, wiggling around for a bit, earning a groan out of him, before standing up and going to sit on her bed  
"You are the devil, doll," he told her before getting up himself and looking around her room, he saw now half empty tray of fruit on her coffee table and a half empty glass of rum.

"Did you like your fruit doll?"  
"Yes, it was really nice, thank you, boss."  
"Oh thank the ladies from the kitchen, they picked it up."  
"Yes, but you prepared them."

Negan smiled, "and how do you know that?"  
"Call it a fucking hunch. Why did you tell Daryl to bring it?"  
"He is the only one besides me, Simon and Arat that I know you can stand to be around. Hope he made a good company."  
"He is a nice person to talk to when he is not shooting dagger at you."  
"Hahaha, yes, I think he picked up that look from Rick."  
"Probably, but I think he is a better person than Rick."  
"That is not a hard thing to be, doll."  
"Yeah, I guess not. Why didn't you come instead of Daryl?"  
"You needed your rest and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shot."  
Alice looked up at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about, he walked around the room and saw a picture of her, Simon and him making their best funny faces, pinned on her fridge, he smile at that, taking a photo in his hand and looking at it, it felt like ages have passed since it was taken and it wasn't even a full day yet.

"Why did you do it?", he finally spoke, looking at Alice, she narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure out what exactly did she do.  
"Do what?"  
"You know damned well what I am talking about, down there, you untying him?!" his tone took her by surprise, she jumped a little in her seat, looking up at him, his lips were sealed tight and eyes wide.  
"You told me to do whatever I want with him."  
"Yes, but I didn't tell you to get yourself almost killed!"  
"What was I supposed to do, he humiliated me, he humiliated you. He was questioning this entire place, what was I supposed to do? Let that fucking bug he planted in people heads grow, even more, no fucking way! "

Alice's voice grew louder, almost matching Negan's, he was looking at her when she stood up and came to standing right in front of him, with the tips of their noses touching.  
"You can't get emotional over things like that, they will get you killed."  
"And you were not emotional at that moment," she tilted her head, looking him straight in the eyes, "I saw your face when he said what he said. I saw it in your eyes; you felt the same way I did"

Negan let his eyes fall down on her lips, he placed his hand on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb, and she leaned into his touch closing her eyes.  
"I saw you laying there," he whispered to her, "you were turning red, doll, your face swelling, you were dying."  
He tilted his head and placed his other hand on her cheek, "you were dying and he was killing you. I wanted to move, but I couldn't, I couldn't make a single step. I wanted to give an order to get him off you, but I couldn't fucking voice anything except your name. I was standing there like a fucking idiot, losing you and just watching him take you away. "  
Alice moved her head closer to him and kissed him, he lowered his arms, locking them around her waist and pulling her closer.  
He led her to the bed, laying down with her never breaking the kiss, placing himself on top of her, Alice slowly broke his lips letting her tongue slip inside his mouth to play with his, their kiss deepened as he was pinning her down like he was trying to completely merge their bodies.  
Alice let her hand drift beneath his shirt feeling his skin when he broke their kiss, her cheeks were red and her lips swollen, her green eyes were clear and sparkling, he was just looking at her, not moving, not letting her move.

"Fuck it all doll, you are perfect," he told her before the started attacking her neck, kissing and biting down on it. Alice moaned as she arched her back, wanting to be as close to him as possible, running her hand underneath his shirt and pulling it over his head, throwing it down to the ground, he smiled at that looking at her face and running his hand through her hair,  
"I want you safe, I never want to even get close to what almost happened today," he whispered to her as he was about to make another attack on her neck and cupping her breast with his hand, Alice stopped him, pulling him up and making him look at her.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I am telling you that I will find you nice quarters away from my wives and you will be safe there, no more running around with me, I need you safe, doll. "  
"Fuck if I will!" Alice was furious, pulling him away from her and getting up to move as far from the bed as possible.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Negan asked her trying to sound as calm as possible while reaching for his shirt and pulling it back on.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you? What makes you thing I would say yes to something like that?" Alice yelled at him, not even thinking about trying to sound calm.

Negan run his hand through his hair, looking down and the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed, he was quiet for a minute, while Alice was leaning on the kitchen counter, with her hand crossed, waiting for the answer.

"I can't have you running around with me, I now see it is too dangerous," he sounded so calm that for someone who didn't know him as well as she did, it would sound like this argument didn't even faze him, but Alice knew him, she saw it in the way his lips tightened, his eyes widened and the tips of his ear turning red he was boiling up inside and she was glad because she was boiling up as well.  
"I didn't get hurt running around with you I got hurt here in the compound by my own stupid mistake, it has nothing to do with us or with our arrangement."  
"It has everything to do with us, didn't you fucking hear me! I! DON'T! WANT! TO SEE YOU! FUCKING! HURT!", Negan was losing it slowly, she was the only person that could make him lose control like this and the only person who would ever even think about disobeying him.

"Well, too bad, because I don't want to see you hurt as well, and you must be crazy if you think I will sit on my ass while you run around swinging that bat of yours and pissing everyone off, making everyone want to kill you."  
"Oh, I am fucking sorry, if I made this sound like you have a fucking choice."  
"What, you are going to force yourself on me!?"  
This made Negan stand up, he was not standing right where she is, pinning her on the kitchen counter, he took her by her hips and hopped her up to make her sit there, placing his hand on each of her sides and going up in her face.  
"Do you really think I would do that to anyone, especially you?"  
"No, you would not, but if you do this it would feel just as same."  
"I don't give a fuck how it would feel, it is not the same, and all I care about is not seeing you die, you will be mad at me for a week, maybe a month but at least you will be breathing."  
He ghosted his lips over hers, placing a small kiss on them then looking her in the eyes. "are we fucking clear."  
Alice placed her hand on his beard running her fingers through it, while opening her legs and wrapping them around his waist, pinning him closer to her, she kissed him as it was the least time she will be doing it, bringing her hand behind his head and pulling him closer, she was at it for a full minute, fighting her urge to breath.  
Then she broke the kiss, looking him in the eyes, "No, we are not."

Negan hissed, slamming his hand on the kitchen counter and moving away from Alice, going to stand on the other side of the room, resting his hands on his hips and looking down at her green carpet. Alice was still at the same place she was just a minute ago, she was not moving, just looking at him, waiting for his reaction, she was now ready for anything.

"Why do you have to make this hard for everyone?", he finally spoke.  
"Why do you have to demand it?"  
"I told you that."  
"That's not a good enough reason."  
"I told you, Alice, this is not up for a debate."  
"Well, fuck what you said, it is my life and it is up for a debate when I say it is."  
"You will fucking listen to me, I am the boss where!", he lost it, swiping the books for the counter near the door, making them fall over the room.

"And what are you going to do, kill me," Alice hopped down from the counter, walking toward Negan and pinning him to the door, "torture me? Send me to the fences? Throw me out? Put me in the cell? Give me an Iron? You can do all those things, I don't give a fuck, but it I won't stop me from shadowing you and I won't stop carrying what the fuck happens to you. And everything is better than sitting on my ass all day dwelling on the fact my panties and my bra don't match."  
"What do you want from me woman?! Fucking tell me! You want me to let go of my wives, I'll do it, if you fucking want that, I will fucking do it right now!"  
"What? No! I mean yes, I mean, fuck it, man! That is not what this is about, yes, I want that, but I still won't be sitting around and play housewife for you!"  
"Why can't you just live with it?"  
"And for what, just to wake up one day with someone telling me that you are gone and that I won't see you ever again, no fucking way."  
"I won't die doll, I promise, just do this for me," he placed his hand on her cheek, tilting his head with a pleading expression on his face.

"I promise, I won't die neither if you let me go with you, does that put your mind at ease."  
"Of course it doesn't doll."  
"Then how do you expect you promise to reassure me."  
"I…I… you almost died today."  
"But I did not."  
"Fuck this shit," Negan gently pulled her away from him, "I don't need you to be one of my wives, fuck it, I have enough of them. Fine if you want to go out and get yourself killed then do it, fuck it all if I care. Now if you will excuse me I have wives to fuck."  
"My thought exactly."  
"You are fucking impossible to talk to!" Negan stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Alice stumbled on her bed, sitting on it and looking at the door, she was just sitting there, not moving, not crying, not feeling anger, nothing, just looking at the door, waiting to see it opened and Negan standing on the other side with a Lucile on his shoulder and smiling down at her, them not fighting and a things being like they were just a day ago. But it didn't happen, what did happen is her hearing the sound of moans and a bed hitting the wall and the sound of a woman crying out Negan's name, and she could swear it was Amber, she was using the same tone she used last night when they caught her with Mark.  
That made her sick to the stomach, she started collecting the books he threw around the room and putting them back to their place trying to phase out the sounds echoing through the hall, her urge to puke and her anger growing when someone knocked on her door.

She opened it, hoping against every rational thought that it was Negan but she found Arat standing there looking in the direction of the Negan's room.  
"How the fuck do you stand this every day?", she asked Alice while taking a step into her room, not even waiting to be invited.  
"You get used to it, sometimes it helps me masturbate," Alice told her trying to sound as cheerful as possible.  
Arat looked at her, then at the stated of her room, "what the fuck happened here?"  
"Oh nothing, just rearranging the shelf's, you need something?", Alice asked her while picking up a few books still laying on the floor.  
"No, just came around to see how are you doing, things got really messy down there."  
"I'm fine," Alice told her while scanning the book on the shelf trying to figure out are the in the right order.  
"You don't sound fine."  
"Hahaha, you didn't notice by now that I never sound fine," Alice had her back turned on Arat when she felt her coming from behind and placing a hand on her shoulder.  
"Is there anything I can help with?" Arat asked her the moment another loud 'yes there Negan' echoed through the hall.  
"Actually there is," Alice told her while turning around grabbing her by her shoulders and trapping her between her and the wall.  
She started kissing her, while her hand roamed underneath her shirt and cupping one of her breasts, Arat was taken aback for a minute before relaxing and reciprocating the kiss.  
Alice swung her around throwing her on the bed and coming on top of her, removing her shirt and attacking her breasts.

The feeling that was driving her now was different than the feeling that was driving her with Negan, with him it was hunger, this now was anger, with him, was like coming home, warm, familiar, safe and this was like renting the room for a night, unfamiliar, cold but a good place to rest one's head,

When that thought came to her head, Alice stopped what she was doing, she collected herself and looked at the woman that was now flushing underneath her, this was her friend before anything else _, 'what the fuck am I doing'_ when the bed from a few room away started hitting the wall again and woman started to moan and scream and at that moment it was like someone closed the shades on her mind, Alice just smiled at Arat while unbuckling her jeans and pulling her hand inside of them, finding the same spot she like to be touched and started to massage it in circles.  
Arat arched her back, letting her head fall back. Alice looked at her and smiled, running her other hand through woman's hair and removing the headband and letting her hair fall freely.  
Alice pulled her hand out earning a disappointed groan from a woman at what she smiled and started to pull her pants off, when Arat stopped her, placing her hand on hers.

Alice looked up at her, smiling, "what is it sweet thing?", she purred.  
Arat looked at her, trying to figure out how to voice her question, she was biting her lower lip while leaning on her elbows, "what about Negan?"

Alice's face fell, she remember what happened not an hour ago and she remember with whom who he is now and it made her blood boil in a second, filling her with adrenaline, there was not a thing in this world she wanted more than to march into that room, throw that woman of him and take on his offer, but it was not something she couldn't do, not while his conditions remained the same.  
In that moment she felt like their relationship was a thing of a past and that made her feel like someone just ripped out her insides and left her there empty, then she looked at the woman beneath her, the woman that was waiting for an answer.

"What about Negan?" Alice finally asked her, hoping that her tone will show that the topic is not opened for discussion, but this was not Negan and this was not Simon or Daryl, Arat never saw this side of her and did not read her right.  
"Well, I thought you and him are… you know. And now you and I are…well it is pretty obvious what we are doing."  
"What we are doing here has nothing to do with Negan and me," Alice told her with a strict tone trying to put an end to this conversation.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes I am, this has nothing to do with me and Negan. I need to fuck someone and if you are not up for it then fucking tell me so I can find someone who is."  
Alice didn't want to sound the way she sounded, but she was angry, she was furious and she felt betrayed, so the way she sounded to people around her was the last thing on her mind. Arat just looked at her, figuring out what to do herself, before she nodded and pulled Alice closer for a long kiss.

Alice smiled at her, "Good girl," before going back to where she was just a minute ago.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They knew each other. He knew her and so himself, for in truth he had never known himself. And she knew him and so herself, for although she had always known herself she had never been able to recognize it until now."
> 
> ― Italo Calvino

* * *

"Hot diggity dog, if this is not the hottest thing I saw in my life," Alice was woken up with Negan voice, she turned around to see him sitting on the chair with his leg resting on his knee while Lucile was resetting on his lap, he was smiling at her, she looked at him and smiled back when someone moved beside her, she turned around to see Arat was sleeping naked with her in the bed.  
"What the..f", Alice whispered trying to figure out what is happening, when memories started coming back to her, Mark, Negan, Amber, Arat, it was enough to give her headache.  
She then turned around looking at Negan who was smirking at her, it made her skin ache.  
"What the fuck, what is he doing here?", Arat screamed while pulling all sheets to herself and wrapping them around her chest leaving Alice butt naked on the bed.

Negan laughed seeing their reaction, and it made Alice even more mad, _'how does he dare to laugh after last night and what he had done_ ', she looked at him, not even trying to hide her anger much less caring about the state she was in.

"The door was unlocked, I thought it is a free invitation," Negan told them gesturing in the direction of the door with his hand, not letting his smile fall.  
"What?", Arat was confused.

Alice straighten up, sitting on the side of the bed and not letting her eyes leave Negan's, "relax, Arat, this is a regular occurrence"  
Arat was looking at Alice and then at Negan, they looked like two wild cats evaluating each other's strength, before engaging in combat.  
"Well, with door regularly unlocked, I was sure you don't mind doll."  
"I don't mind, boss."  
The tension that filled the room could be cut with the knife, Arat bent down collecting her things and deciding to get the hell out of there before the whole hell breaks loose.  
"You are already leaving sweet thing? Not up for another round?", Alice called for her with cuddling voice but not looking in her direction but keeping her cold stare locked on Negan.  
"Yes, I am, I mean no I am not, fuck it, see you later."  
"We are going on a run around noon, be ready, " Negan told her not letting his eyes avert away from Alice.  
"Understood."  
"Speak with Simon he will fill you in, you, me, him and my doll here are going, we have a new outpost to check out, it should be clean. We need to make a list of the things we are going to need to get it up and running so we can try and find them when we go to our next community runs. Did I make myself clear."  
"Yes, sir," Arat told him, not even being sure should she respond to that, seeing how he didn't look at her for one second and it looked like he was talking to Alice all the time, she left them, slamming the door shut and running in the direction of her room.

"Had fun last night?"  
"I sure did, boss, and you?"  
"I had a blast."  
"I know, the entire compound heard you."  
"Hahaha, I am a passionate man what can I say."  
"I am sure you are."  
Alice told him while breaking their staring game and getting up to get her clothing off the floor, then walking towards her closet throwing it in and getting her gear out, examining it.  
Negan was looking at her the entire time, scanning her body, "you look good naked."  
"I know," he laughed at that, running his hand through his beard.  
"I am hurt doll, you could have invited me to have fun with you two last night."  
"I would have, but you were too busy fucking Amber and I didn't want to interrupt."  
At that moment his smile fell, and his face darkened, Alice just turned her back at that and started to get dressed.  
"I had to remind her, what she was risking to lose with her behavior."  
"I am sure you did an excellent job at that."  
"Are you jealous doll? That could have been you last night."  
"This has nothing to do with jealousy and no, that couldn't be me, I could never be someone like Amber"

"I know, I learned that last night," he stood up walking toward the door.  
"Good," she didn't event glance in his direction, "why did you even come?"  
"I wanted to talk about what happened last night."  
"There is no need for that, it is pretty obvious what happened last night."  
"You're right, I guess it is. Be ready by noon, we have a fuck load of work to do, bring the sleeping bag we are probably spending a night there, I am not risking traveling after the sunset."  
"Understood," Alice told him, trying to sound as cold as possible, she felt him standing there and looking at her, but she didn't dare to turn, one wrong move and she would be showing her weaknesses and this world has no place for things like that.

Negan was looking at her, trying to get at least a glance of her face, trying to figure out what is she thinking but it didn't work, she was staring in the direction of kitchen, just standing there, not deeming his worth even a glance, he let his head fall and slammed the door behind him.

When she heard the door close, Alice leaned on the counter, trying to keep her balance, she was breathing heavily and her legs were giving up on her.  
"Get a hold of yourself woman," she told herself, trying to suppress the upcoming panic attack, at that moment she looked to her left only to see a photo laying there, she picked it up and looked at it, the image of her, Negan and Simon, it made her want to break out of her skin that felt like a prison at that moment.  
She took a few deep breaths, gathered her gear and deciding to go outside, being around people would at least force her to keep her charade up.

Negan was pacing around the room, trying to collect his thoughts that were running in hundred different ways, making his head hurt, when someone knocked on the door, he opened them violently only to find Simon standing there, looking surprised at the way he was received.  
"Everything alright, boss?"  
"No it is not fucking alright, nothing is fucking alright," Negan told him while turning his back on him and pacing back to his room, taking a shot of whiskey and throwing the glass against the wall.

Simon flinched at that, he saw Negan like this only few time before, the last time was when he found out about one of their outpost being attacked and his people slaughtered and the first time was when he found out his people killed bunch or children and men trying to teach one of the communities under them a lesson, lesson that went poorly because not long after that entire community disappeared and no one knows where.

"Anything I can help with?", he spoke quietly trying to avoid antagonizing Negan ever more.  
"There is nothing anyone can do about this particular problem?"  
"Are you sure, boss?"  
"Yes, I am fucking sure, Simon!"  
Negan took a deep breath, falling down on the sofa and resting his head on his hand, massaging his forehead, Simon took a seat across from him, patiently waiting for a clarification of current situation, the thing he was not sure he will get, because with Negan you can never know, sometime he would reveal most mundane things, while the crucial ones he would keep to himself, making everyone's life even more difficult.

"Everything ok with our run today?" Simon decided he is done waiting and he needs to know what is going on before they leave the compound today.  
"You tell me, it is your fucking job, not mine."  
"As far as I know everything is going according to plans, that is what got me confused, I thought you know something I don't."  
"It has nothing to do with a fucking run."  
"Good to know."  
And they fell silent ones more, Simon was looking around the room, trying to avoid making any eye contact with Negan, he would just leave but he was not sure was that the thing right thing to do, he hated moments like this, he felt like a child after being scolded by his dad for something he did not do..

"I am a fucking idiot, Simon," he finally spoke, and Simon couldn't help but smile to himself, he knew that look and he knew those words; he saw many of his friends from the past wearing it after their wives or girlfriends would throw them out of the house for something stupid they did. It was that moment of revelation that it was their fault, after all, Simon always found amusing, and this little slip up remained him of a life before and brought him hope that things could get back to normal after all, if people even in the middle of apocalypse, especially people like Negan, still had time to dwell on things like that.

"And what makes you think that, boss?"  
"Don't give me that look, Simon. You know bloody fucking well what makes me think that."  
"I have a few hunches, but I don't want to base anything on assumptions."  
"I fucked up everything and now I don't think I can fix it."  
"Everything can be fixed boss," Simon smiled.  
"Not someone being an idiot, that shit is permanent."  
"I am sure you will figure something out, boss."  
"That is the problem, me trying to figure something out, that is a thing that caused all this shit."  
"Is she really that mad?"  
"She is so discussed by me she doesn't even want to look at me."  
"That bad, could, I don't know, try to apologize. That could work."  
"With her, no fucking way. The thing is I am not sorry for what I said to her, all I wanted was to keep her safe, she is just too fucking stubborn to realize that everything I am doing I am doing for her own fucking good. And if I go and apologize for something I am not sorry about, she will see right through it."  
"I don't get it, boss, you say you are sorry but you are not sorry at the same time?"  
"I am not sorry for what I asked of her to do, I am sorry for what I did afterward."  
"How bad is it?"  
"I'll I can say is that if someone did that to me, the Iron would be heating up right now."  
"Well, at least this trip will be interesting."  
"Well, I am glad someone will enjoy themselves."  
"You find joy where you can boss."  
Negan laughed at that, "Yes, finding joy, where I can is a thing that only made this shit even worst."  
"I am sure she will get around, I am not even sure you two can walk without being joined at the hip."  
Negan gave him a sad smile, "I fucking hope you are right, friend, I really do."  
"When am I ever wrong?", Simon stood up, patting him on his shoulders, "I need to get going now, have to make sure our truck is checked and running. See you outside boss."

Simon was roaming around the compound waiting for a noon to come, they had an hour before they were to depart for a new outpost and everything was already set in place and ready, the day was bright and warm, many of people that worked around the compound were out, working around the plants and fences, the sanctuary is getting more and more crowded, he suspected that soon they will need to relocate some of the people living there so they could accommodate them better and maybe increase their food growth, some place like Hilltop would be perfect for that but they had a hard time finding it and this new outpost, that was in a matter of fact a huge school with a big courtyard and tall fences was a jackpot.  
It wasn't too far from their base but isolated enough to keep a wandering scavengers and other groups away, so keeping it safe wouldn't require of them to send a lot of their guard away and that was a big plus because they were short of people as it is and finding capable staff that was ready to take orders, was a challenge on its own.  
He was walking around the entrance when he glanced toward the main building just to see someone sitting on the top of the fire escape ladders, it didn't take him long to figure out who is mad enough to even climb there yet alone sit there.

"What are you doing here psycho?", he asked Alice while trying to catch his breath, he was seriously out of shape for someone who was supposed to be Negan's top general.  
"Just watching the compound, the view is nice from here you can see almost everyone on this side of the building."  
"How to you see a thing from this height?"  
Alice smiled at him, waving around with a pair of military binoculars before handing them to him, he took them, looking around the compound and truly seeing everyone and everything.

"Where did you get these?", he asked her.  
"I had them with me all along," she told him, before fixing her view on some point in the distance, completely ignoring the fact that he was standing right next to her.  
Simon sighed at that, sitting beside her and quietly looking into the distance, scanning the entire area around them.  
"You come here often?"  
"Every day, it is a good place to watch while not being seen and a good place to think."  
"And what are you thinking about?"  
"Stuff, things, you know usual crap."  
"I don't think your usual and my usual crap, fall under the same definition."  
"I don't think they do, no."  
"What's wrong, psycho?"  
"What makes you think something's wrong?", Alice asked him not even turning her head to give him a side glance or a smile.  
"You are not usually this quiet. "  
"I decided I talk too much."  
"Most of us like the things you say."  
"It only because they make you laugh. Things I say make other people happy and leave me empty, the same thing is with the things I do."

"I am not sure that things you do leave many people happy," Simon joked, trying to lure at least a glance of her smile out, but to no avail.  
"I am not sure either," Alice's head fell.

"Alright psycho, you are freaking me out, what's wrong?"  
"I told you nothing is wrong."  
"Don't insult my intelligence, Alice."  
She let out a deep breath, turning her head and looking him in the eyes, he then saw that her eyes were red, like she was about to start crying any second, but he knew her better than that, he knew that crying is something she would never do in front of someone else, he was not sure was it something she ever did even while she was alone.  
"I'm a fucking idiot, Simon, that's what's wrong."  
Simon couldn't help himself, he started to laugh his heart out, earning a kick in the shoulder.  
"Stop laughing you moron, it's not funny. "  
"Oh, you have no idea," Alice just frowned, turning her attention back to the same point in the distance.  
"Sorry, sorry psycho, it was uncalled for. Do you want to talk about it."  
"No, I don't fucking want to talk about it, not while you are making fun of me."  
"I apologize. And believe me I was not making fun of you, I just came to the conclusion that I found funny that's all."  
"And what fucking epiphany did you have?"  
"I promise, one day I'll tell you."  
Alice was looking at him, trying to decide should she talk or stay quiet, part of her wanted to get away from there and not say a single world, but the other part of her, the bigger one, needed to talk to someone and Simon was the closest thing she had to a brother there and besides Negan the only person she trusted completely.

"I fucked up everything and I don't know how to fix it."  
"Oh, I am sure it is not that bad."  
"You have no idea how bad it is, man."  
"What did you do?"  
"I was told to do something I refused to do because it was an idiotic thing to even ask of me, and that is not the thing I regret, I regret everything I did after saying 'no'. I should have softened the blow, but no I just went on pounding my decisions in someone's face, until I broke everything we had, and then I went on and made an even bigger mess. And now I feel like shit, I am sorry but I am not sorry at the same time."  
"I am sure you two will sort everything out in no time."  
"How can I sort something out with someone, when I can't even bring myself to look at him, I am angry and ashamed at the same time. Like I know that saying no to the thing he asked of me was a right thing to do, I don't give a fuck what he thinks about that, all I want is for him to be safe or at least as safe as he can be, he is just one stubborn bastard who refuses to understand that ,and I am not sorry for refusing to do something that would jeopardize his safety. But I am sorry for what I did after he left, I fucked everything up so bad and I don't know how the fuck do I get out of it. Fuck it all Simon, why am I this stupid."  
"Well, you could I don't know, apologise?"  
"Fuck no, that would never work with him."  
"You're right it's too simple to work with you two," Simon muttered under his breath, but Alice didn't hear him, preoccupied with her own thoughts.  
"This is fucking idiotic, I shouldn't be even dwelling over the mundane thing like this in a world like this, but still I am, I am a fucking idiot and that is my main problem."  
"I wouldn't say it is mundane."  
"We'll it certainly isn't of life importance"  
"Are you sure?"  
"No", Alice sighed, letting her head fall again. "What the fuck do I do now, Simon?"  
"Estimate the damage and find the fastest course of action towards fixing it."  
"I am not a fucking miracle worker, be more specific."  
"Believe me, psycho, no matter what you do, all will fall into place."  
"I would never take you for such an optimist."  
"I am more of a realist, sweetheart, now I need to go, and you need to go also, pick up you gear we are leaving in fifteen."  
"Well, this should be the interesting trip at least."  
"Oh, you have no idea how much I am looking forward to it."  
"Fuck you, Simon."

Alice went on and picked up her weapons from the weaponry and marched towards the truck, she saw Simon and Negan standing there, looking down at some papers and discussing something, at that moment Negan lifted his head and looked in her direction and she froze, she felt her heart just skipped a beat and some strange feeling filling her stomach, like someone was tickling her guts and making her feel warm inside, she felt a heat going down in between her legs and hitting that one spot that sent a tingling feeling all over her.  
 _'shit, am I getting sick'_ , she thought to herself _, 'fuck it, that is the the last thing I needed now.'  
_ She straighten up and cleared her throat before continuing to walk in their direction, she came to stand on Negan's left side as she always did, lifting her chin up and scanning the people around her, trying to evade making eye contact with him and fighting off the sudden urge to pee.

Most of their guard were with them, loading the gear and food into the truck and checking the engine one last time.  
"Ok, people listen up," Negan called for everyone's attention, "we are leaving for a day, we will check out new outpost we found and see how many of you can live there, then we will make plans about relocations and the things we will need to make this work. So the visits to other communities will be paused untile we get back. We need to get this set up as fast as possible, we are growing and we get more and more new faces every day, so to accommodate everyone we need more places like this one we found a few days ago. While Simon and I are gone Dwight is in charge, if we don't come back until tomorrow night, you go and look for us. Did I make myself fucking clear."  
"Yes, "everyone said in unison.

Alice glanced around to find Daryl, and he was standing not far from the truck, looking down to the ground, she came closer to him and smiled.  
"You'll be here when I come back?"  
Daryl looked at her, with dead serious expression, "like I have any choice."  
"Ouch, you hurt my feelings, boy. I mean you are completely right, but still, it hurts my fucking feelings."

At that moment Dwight approached them, "don't worry Alice, this one is not getting away from here anytime soon."  
"It's rude to eavesdrop, Dwight," Alice was not sure what annoyed her more him interrupting her conversation and or him listening to it.  
"I wasn't eavesdropping, you were just talking loud enough to be heard."  
"Well, isn't that convenient."  
"Alice, doll, we need to leave. TODAY." Negan called for her.  
"Coming boss," Alice approached Dwight, leaning into his ear.  
"You better make sure he is here when we get back, and on top of that, you better make even more fucking sure he isn't missing a single hair from his head and packing up with another set of bruises. I am having about enough of everyone's shit around here and my last friendly advice to you is, 'don't fucking test me'."  
Alice tapped him on his shoulders and left him to stand there, looking at Daryl, who had a vicious smirk on his lips even though he didn't hear a single word Alice whisper to Dwight, Dwight face expression alone was good enough to make his day as good as it gets in a place like this.

"Done scaring the shit out of everyone?" Negan asked her.  
"Yes, boss. I had my fill for a day."  
"Good to know, Simon is driving with Arat in the front, I think you and I need some relaxing in the back," he winked at her, Alice weakly smiled at him, taking a back seat, before Negan tapped on the top of the truck, signaling everyone it is time to move.  
Alice side eyed him, feeling the same strange feeling's she felt not long before, _'fucking great'_ she sighed, Arat looked up in the mirror, looking at her face. Alice's cheeks were flushing, "Alice are you alright?", she asked her.  
Negan turned his face in her direction, questionably looking at her, Alice was uncomfortably shifting under everyone's questioning steers, only Simone looked in the review mirror and smiled.

"Yes, yes, I am fine, just I think I am coming down with something."  
"Are you sure you are up for this today?", Negan asked her, clearly concerned for her health, and not knowing why Alice snapped.  
"Yes, I am fucking sure. I survived under fever completely alone out here; I think I can manage a simple stomach ache"  
"Well, sorry for fucking caring," Negan told her, turning his attention back to the road, Alice mentally kicked herself while doing the same.

Simon was watching them in the review mirror, rolling his eyes at their conversation.  
"Yeah, simple is just too complicated sometimes," Simon muttered under his breath.  
"Did you say something?", Negan asked him.  
"No, boss, not a thing," Simon smiled fixing his attention back to on the road.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Might as well try to drink the ocean with a spoon as argue with a lover."- Stephen King, The Drawing of the Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

The drive went on quietly, with Negan and Alice not even looking at each other, yet alone speaking, Arat was shifting in her seat clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation while Simon kept his eyes on the road, looking at the back seat from time to time, trying to figure out did the situation change, even for worst, but at least changes, but nothing, they looked like kids who just quarrel over the toy.  
"Arat please open the glove compartment and give me that brown bag ."  
Arat looked at Simon suspiciously, before obeying his order and doing as he asked her, he stuck his hand inside the bag and dug through it until he found what he was looking for.

Alice was watching the road, while catching Negan reflection that would come up on the glass of her window, he didn't look in her direction even once and that annoyed her as hell, it was his fault they are at odds like this, not hers, she just wants to help him, it is his fault he was a stubborn bastard incapable of seeing that.

Negan was deep inside his thoughts, analyzing everything he had done in the past twenty-four hours, trying to figure out when in the hells name everything started going downhill, up to the point where a simple, 'how are you', would turn into a fight, he just wants to help her it is her fault for not being able to see that.  
When at that moment the loud sound echoed though the truck;  
 _'Iiiiiiif it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago …Where did you come from where did you go …Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe'_

"I will fucking cut/kill you, Simon, turn that shit off," Alice and Negan yell at unison at Simon, while he was dancing in his seat with a wide smile on his face, following the rhythm of the song while tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel.

He laughed at their reaction and the expressions on their faces, Simon never saw two people so annoyingly alike and them being at odds was so stupid that he decided there is nothing else to do than to make theirs suffering his fun.  
"C'mon, don't be a pair stuck up, enjoy the art."  
"That is not a fucking art Simon, turn that shit off or I swear to God I will feed you that tape," Alice was growling,  
"You will announce to every walker in the ten miles radios that we are coming," Negan was now the one yelling at him.  
"As if walkers would come near that shit. You could use it for fucking rerouting them, it would work better than those explosives."  
"That is a nice idea, doll, and if it doesn't work we can always feed Simon to them."  
"I will get my knives ready."  
Simon looked at them and smiled, nothing brings people together faster than mutual hate, he turned off the music, looking hurtful.  
"The lack of appreciation of the fine things you two have is disturbing."

Two hours later they were in the middle of nowhere, Alice was standing on the top of the truck, scanning the area with her binoculars while Simon and Negan were fighting over the map that was stretched over the hood.  
"I fucking tell you, this is where you took the wrong turn." Negan was pointing at the map with Lucile and growling at Simon, who was standing there looking confusingly at the map with his hands resting on his hip.  
"It's impossible, they told me to get here, the school is here."  
"There is fucking nothing here, Simon, look around yourself, do you see a fucking school anywhere near."  
"Even if we see a school there, I am not fucking sure I want to visit it," Alice told them while hopping down to stand at Negan's that moment Arat came out from the woods, looking disappointed.

At that moment Arat came out from the woods, looking disappointed.  
"There is nothing there, not even a single walker."  
"Well, at least some good news," Negan told them while looking down at the map again.  
"Not a single walker?" Alice asked Arat.  
"No, not a single one."  
Alice nervously looked around herself, shifting from one foot the other, "we should go," she wrapped her hand around Negan's elbow, tugging him in the direction of the truck.  
Everyone looked at her like she is mad.  
"I fucking agree with you doll, but where. We don't have a fucking clue where we are, much less where we are supposed to be heading."  
"It doesn't matter, just let's move," Alice came close to him, looking him in the eyes and whispering, so no one who is just a feet away could hear them.  
"What the fuck is wrong, psycho?"

Alice looked around herself once again, while running her hand over her ponytail, "there is not a single walker here, as Arat said, but still someone is here."  
"I told you there is no one here, I would have seen someone, I have eyes Alice," Arat was getting angry, she never liked people questioning her judgment especially at things as simple as scouting.  
"I didn't fucking say that you don't have eyes, but eyes can't help you see everything."  
"What are you talking about, are you saying that I am incompetent?" Arat was in Alice's face, her nerves were stretched as it is and Alice's attitude didn't help the situation.  
"I didn't fucking say you are incompetent, but you never saw me coming, did you? Neither did Simon or Dwight or bunch of people surrounding you. I am telling you someone is there; if it was a walker or some idiot you would have seen him. The fact you didn't see anyone proves that the person or more of them are experienced, smart and probably not peaceful, especially if we are intruding on their territory."

"How do you know someone if there. You saw someone?" Simon was the one to talk now trying to filter out the tension growing between two women, he had enough shit to deal with when it comes to Negan and Alice.  
"No."  
"Oh, if you tell me you are psychic, I am going to flip out I swear," Arat was not calming down.  
"C'mon sweet thing, for what do you take me for?"  
"I don't fucking know, for what should I taken you anymore."  
Alice sighed at this, she should have seen something like this coming, she looked at Negan, his face was unreadable, he was looking at her, not saying a word, just listening to their interaction.

"Something moved out there, I heard it and saw the branches shifting, " Alice was now talking slowly and quietly, while standing in between the trio, not looking at anyone directly.  
"Maybe it was just a wind?" Simon looked around himself spreading his arms.  
"Don't be so fucking obvious, someone is looking at this direction, Simon," Simon turned back at Alice, looking confused and petrified, this reminded him of a start of every horror movie he had ever seen.

"It was not the wind, it didn't move in the right direction to be the wind, I should know it, I am much better at shadowing people than this person is. I am telling you, this forest is not empty, please let's move."  
"Well, so what if it is a new community, even better, new people, to work for us."  
"C'mon Simon, there is just a three of us, be reasonable, we need to move. Now!"

"Enough!" Negan interrupted them clearly having enough of their shit, "it doesn't matter if there is no one here, or even if there is a new community around, we didn't come for that today. Let's turn around and fucking take that turn I told you to take ten miles ago."  
Simon nodded, folding up the map and taking the driver's seat, with Arat by his side. Alice was about to take her seat when Negan wrapped his hand around her elbow, pulling her closer to him.  
At that moment the same feeling in her stomach appeared again, but this time it was even stronger, making her want to giggle at the feeling and making her cheeks burn, Alice was confused, not knowing what the hell did she pick up, she never felt something like this, at least not with this intensity and it wasn't even constant, it kept coming and going, _'I really hope this is not contagious.'_

Negan looked at her, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes, "your face looks like it is burning up, are you sure you don't have a fever?", he asked her while placing his eye on her forehead trying to feel her temperature.  
"I am sure, it comes and goes, probably stress."  
"Aha, anyway, are you sure someone if out there now?"  
"As sure as I can be, someone is out there and I don't think that someone is friendly."  
Alice told him while moving to stand in front of him, letting him come in the truck first, while she was still glancing around the area, trying her best to see someone, at that moment she saw a walker standing between the trees, not far from the place where Arat emerged a few minutes ago, but something was strange about him, he wasn't moving, just standing there looking at her, not even trying to go in her direction and attack, it felt like he was watching them, evaluating them, she felt like her heart just fell into her stomach.  
"What the fuck."  
"What is it doll?", Negan looked at her, Alice turned not sure how to say what she just saw and even less sure she wasn't imagining things.  
"I…I," she turned to look again at the place where the walker was just standing, but no one was there, she rubbed her eyes, ' _God, I am going mad'._  
"Doll?"  
"Nothing, it was nothing; I just thought I saw something, but I guess I was wrong, let's move _."_

They were driving back to the crossroads they passed, Alice was silent during the whole drive, thinking about what she saw in the wood, something was off and she couldn't pinpoint what, but the mere thought of Walkers becoming conscious being and evolving above their nature to act purely on instinct filled her with dread. Them evolving was something to be expected with time sure, but it has been only a few years since the world went to shit, surely things like that never happen that fast, that is just not natural, but then again neither is the state of the world at this moment.

"Where now, and please take the right turn this time," Arat's voice brought Alice back to the reality.  
They arrived at the crossroad and stopped, Simon had his map spread over the steering wheel with Negan looking over his shoulders trying to figure out where they should go next.

"Where the fuck did they tell you that school is," he looked at Simon.  
"Here," Simon pointed at the map, clearly losing his patient, he wanted to go back to Sanctuary and strangle the person who gave him direction.  
"We were already there, there is no fucking school in that area."  
Alice glances over Arat seat, looking down at the map for the first time, "here, there is a school here," she pointed at the place on the map, east from where they were.  
"What?", Simon looked at her clearly confused.  
"I saw it about a year ago when I was scouting the area, but never got too close to it, at the time it was swirling with walkers."  
"Why the fuck didn't you tell us that earlier?" Negan asked her.  
"Well no one fucking asked and how was I supposed to know that's the school you are looking for, remember you two had this all plan figure out."  
"Well, apparently we fucking didn't!" Negan looked at Simon.  
" Hey, I lead us to where they told me to go, it's not my fault those people are incompetent of telling sides of the world."  
"Will we start moving already?" Arat was now the one to interrupt them.  
They all looked at her, sliding back to their seat, "Ok, let's go," Negan calmly told Simon.

"What up with you anyway Arat, if I hadn't caught you in Alice's bed this morning I would swear you were on your period."  
"You caught her where?", Simon looked at Alice, almost driving off the road.  
"Watch the fucking road!", Alice yelled at him.  
"You can't bomb me with info like that while I am driving boss. Well now Arat, you naughty girl, how was it?" Simon looked at her, with a wide smile on her face.  
"Ughhh," Arat rolled her eyes, covering them with her hand.  
"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" Alice yelled from the back seat.  
"Really? You really want me to go into details?"  
"No," Alice frowned, making Negan laugh.  
"It's not funny," she looked at him.  
"I bet to differ, doll, I bet to differ," he smiled at her, tilting his head to the side and winking.

Not an hour later they arrived at their destination, they got out of the truck, looking around, the place, one thing their people didn't lie about was the size of the place, the main courtyard was huge with pine trees decorating every corner of it, the main fence wasn't really a fence but a tall concrete wall, spreading all across the yard, made to protect the place of any curious eye. On the entrance there was a small white cottage, with a counter, that was used by the local security. The gate was lying on the ground, it was a big black fence made of steel with pointed ends.

The school itself was enormous, with red façade that was falling off the walls, the entrance of the main building was decorated with two statues of water nymphs that were holding the structure of the balcony above them, in the middle of the entrance was big round fountain, the entrance doors that were made completely out of the glass were shattered but oddly the iron frame was still standing. One the east side of the main building there were few smaller ones that were used for parking garages, with doors oddly untouched and closed.

The place was breathtaking but eerily quiet, they all reached for their weapons while entering the main building, Alice stood at the counter that was once use by the secretary and slammed her hand on it a couple of times, but there was no sound of someone moving. They exchanged the glances and divided into separate groups, with Alice and Negan taking the second floor while Arat and Simon went to check out the first.

Alice and Negan checked few of the classroom before finding a large oak doors, Alice reached for the gilded lock, pulling it down quietly and revealing what is hidden on the other side, she glanced inside the room, there was a big table in the middle of it with tall leather chair, the floor was decorated with red carpet and one the windows you still could see the remains of white now moth-eaten curtains. The window spread all across the room, with the view of the of the entire courtyard, with glass doors that were leading out to the balcony.  
Wow, this place is magnificent," Alice was standing by the window looking at the wide opened space with all kinds of sports fields, from the football field to tennis, on the far side you could see a big building, Alice looked through her binocular reading the big blue sign, "Main pool".  
"They even had a fucking pool here, come look at this," She called for Negan who was looking through the big pile of papers, before turning his attention to her.  
He came to stand behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder, the movement that came naturally to him that it took him a few moment to remember that they were at odds at the moment, but seeing how she didn't protest at his closeness he decided that on the end it didn't matter.

"I can't believe this place is empty," he told her while savoring the sight in front of him and already making plans in his head for the best way to use it.  
"Yes, it's almost too good to be truth. We should be careful."  
"Relax, doll, enjoy the fucking moment."  
"I can't."  
"What the fuck is wrong now? Did I say or do something again?" , he asked her, while turning her around and making her face him.  
"What? No, no, it's nothing like that."  
"Then what the fuck is it?"  
"It's just," Alice looked down, figuring out how to tell him what she wanted to tell him without sounding like a complete madwoman.  
"C'mon doll, you know you can tell me everything."  
"Back in the woods," Alice took a deep breath, "I saw a walker standing not far from us."  
"And that got you so wired up? What the fuck doll, we see walkers every fucking day, we even keep them as fucking pets back home, that can't be a thing that freaked you out this much."  
"You don't get in Negan, he was standing there, just standing and looking at us."  
"So what?"  
"Ah, come, the fuck on, boss, you are smart; you know they don't just stand and look pretty, they attack. But this one was different, he didn't attack us, he was watching us like he was evaluating us deciding how strong we are or how big of a threat."  
"That's fucking impossible, doll. They don't think."  
"I know that they usually don't. But what if some of them are different, or just this one is, what if they are regaining they conscious? Think about it, if they become at least intelligent as an average dog or a cat we are fucking screwed."  
"C'mon doll, something like that won't fucking happen."  
"And how do you know, that's the exact thing you would've said five years ago if someone told you that the world would be like this today."

Negan looked at her, running his hand over his face and through his hair, looking at his side, trying to figure out how to react to what she just said because she was clearly imagining things.

"Listen, doll," he placed his hand on her shoulder," you had a few stressful days and probably didn't sleep well, when we get home I want you to take the day off, just relax, and to put your mind completely at ease I will take the day off with you. Ok?"Alice looked at him, tilting her head to the side, "I am not seeing things, Negan," she whispered to

Alice looked at him, tilting her head to the side, "I am not seeing things, Negan," she whispered to him, trying to keep her feelings under control for once.  
"I didn't say you were seeing things doll, I am sure you saw a walker there, but it was an ordinary walker," he whispered, clearly aware that she is getting all boiled up again and trying to calm the upcoming tide.  
"Don't fucking patronize me. It was not an ordinary fucking walker, I know what I saw. He was standing there, fucking looking at us."  
"Maybe he was stuck and couldn't move."  
"We have 'stuck' walkers back home, they fucking move. They move even when you stick a pole through them, they move when they fucking fall apart. They fucking move all the time, to the point where it becomes annoying just looking at them, moving, this one didn't."  
"Alice, that's impossible!"  
"I can't believe you don't trust me, you, of all people, you think I am seeing things, you think I am going mad!"  
" Calm down doll, you said it yourself, you don't feel well today."  
"My stomach ache has nothing to do with this. It is just a fucking stomach ache, it has nothing to do with my head or with the fact that you don't trust me."  
"You are not fair, doll."  
"Me! I am not fucking fair, what about you!? You think you are fair!?" Alice was yelling again while poking him in the chest with her finger.  
"I was more fair with you than I was with anyone in my life."  
"Well, lucky fucking me! You still don't fucking trust me."  
"It's a crazy talk, Alice! A fucking conscious walker, what is next, speaking dog!"  
"I can't believe you," Alice was looking at him, while shaking her head in disbelief and slowly backing away, just when she thought he couldn't say or do anything to hurt her more, she find out that not only he doesn't trust her but he thinks she is mad as well.  
"Doll,', Negan called for her, "Alice," she just turned around storming out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

Simon and Arat were back in the hall where they all agreed to meet once they made sure the place is safe and then together find the best room to spend a night in when they heard yelling from the upper floor and saw Alice running down the stairs with Negan at her heels.

Simon sighed, "and here they go again."  
"What's exactly up with them?" Arat looked at him.  
"I don't think even God knows."

Alice was seeing red, trying to get out and get some fresh air as soon as possible, her mind didn't work and she was never sure what she would do or say at moments like this, when she felt a hand wrapping around her elbow and pulling her in opposite direction, the hand moved to her upper arm holding her tightly in place.

"Where, the fuck, do you think you are going?!" Negan growled.  
"Away, I just… I need some time away from you. I," she tugged away from his grip, puffing some loose strains of her hair from her face and looking him in the eyes.  
"You know what, I don't fucking owe you any explanations, I will do whatever the fuck I feel like doing, just the same as you."  
"Did I ever asked of you to fucking explain anything to me. Did I ask you why I found Arat in you fucking bed after what happened between us? Did I fucking say a thing about that! Most people get an iron for that shit and I just let you off the hook, like nothing happened. Is this a way you repay me, acting like a fucking child."  
"It is you damn fault I ended up with someone else in bed, not mine. Don't you fucking see what you're doing here!? Are you really that fucking blind! Do you see further than you nose reaches?! And you don't get to patronize me about who is in my bed, not when every night you have a fucking buffet of women to fuck. "  
"You could be the only one if you just say fucking yes! But no! You prefer running around acting hurt!"  
"I am fucking hurt, you ignorant bastard!"

Negan fell silent, looking at her, Alice's breathing was heavy, it looked like she will pass out any second, her eyes were gleaming with uncried tears, while her lips were stretched opened, showing the perfect line of big pearl white teeth.

"I am fucking hurt, you hurt me, you hurt me when you don't trust me when I would believe everything you say, you hurt me when you turn your back on me while I would walk to the end of this cursed world for you, you hurt me when you don't listen to a word I say when I would spend my entire life listening to the sound of you voice. You hurt me you bastard, and the worst part is, you don't even fucking see it. You just go around pointing fingers at everyone, except pointing one finger at the mirror, it's fucking you, it's all you, this damned mess we are in, it is all on you! And don't you fucking think that for one second I am to blame, because for what could you blame me, ha, for fucking what!? For not wanting to be one of you bimbos, sitting on my ass all day not doing a damn thing with my life except speeding my legs when commanded, and believe me, they do it because they are commanded not because they fucking want to! Blame me for wanting to be at your side and protect you because I am one person, who actually cares about you, and not because you are impossible to care for but because you don't show it to anyone, you don't even show it to me, but I see it, I fucking see it, I see everything you do and I see every expression you try to fucking hide I see it all, and you are blaming me for refusing to let you go through all that alone, do you see how fucking absurd that shit is!""Alice, doll," Negan tried to stop her.

"Alice, doll," Negan tried to stop her.  
"No!" She screamed, "this is my time to talk and this is your time to mother fucking listen. What am I to blame for, for trying to find a bit of consolation in someone else's arms, you blame me for that? You blame me for, as you say 'not wanting to be yours' thinking I want to belong to someone else. Don't you fucking see, you stubborn bastard, I don't want to be yours, I want to be with you, where ever you go, whatever shit you stir up, I want to be there to see it through. And you say no to me and then you get mad, what the actual fuck man."

"I fucking want you safe, you stubborn woman, I just want you fucking safe!" Negan's voice echoed through the empty halls of the school.  
"There is no 'safe'; it doesn't exist, not anymore!" Alice yelled, pushing him away a bit and running down the stairs, pushing her way between Simon and Arat and running outside.

Simon looked up at where Negan was standing, he was looking in the direction where Alice disappeared, "Simon, go, make sure she is safe, while Arat and I see what we can scavenge from this place," he told them with cold voice, like nothing happened, turning around and going back in the direction he came from.  
Simon looked at Arat, "good luck girl, you are going to need it."  
"What a mess," Arat told him while turning to go upstairs.

Alice was sitting on the edge of the fountain playing with one of her knives when Simon found her,  
"Are you ok, sweetheart?", he approached her slowly, sitting now far from her and looking at the horizon.

"Just peachy," her voice was so low that if one didn't listen to her he wouldn't hear it.  
"What's up with you two anyway?"  
"You really need to be more specific, which two, because I am pretty sure I am in big trouble with Arat as well."  
"Hah, that you are, but Arat is a mild breeze, compared of to the shit storm you and the boss there are."  
"Hahaha, we are both full of crap, aren't we?", Alice smiled looking at him.  
"You two could tear down entire cities within a moment, I am glad I am on your side."  
"Then you are crazier than both of us combines, man."  
"Hahaha, maybe, sweetheart, maybe."

They were sitting there for a long time neither of them speaking, Alice was caressing the engraving on her Eagle while Simon was quietly looking at the distance, letting her have her moment of peace and clarity.

"I should go," she told him, not averting her attention from her gun.  
"Yeah, we both should get inside, it's getting dark and to be honest cold."  
"No, I was thinking leave, I should leave Sanctuary."  
Simon looked at her, trying to figure out did he hear her right, "you can't be serious, psycho."  
"But I am, I should pack my bags tomorrow morning while you are asleep and just leave."  
Alice looked at him, and at that moment he realized she was not joking and that she was serious.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I stayed here, something inside me would be lost forever—something I couldn't afford to lose. It was like a vague dream, a burning, unfulfilled desire. The kind of dream people have only when they're seventeen." ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

Alice was just sitting there, acting like the words she just said didn't come out of her mouth, she was humming some tune while swaying in circles, looking like she just lost her mind. Simon was silently sitting there, she looked like she would break down if anyone touches her, but he needed to know was she serious or just playing around with him.

"Don't even joke about it, psycho. Boss would flip out."

"Would he? I am not sure he would, he is probably tired of me anyway, tired of always fighting with me."

"If that was the truth you would be long dead."

"He can't kill a woman."

"Yes, it is a thing he rarely does, but if any woman was ever close enough for him to kill than it is you, I mean the shit that comes out of that mouth. It is just magnificent."

"Fuck you, Simon."

"I love you two, psycho, but please tell me, are you really serious about leaving Sanctuary."

Alice just shrug her shoulder letting her head fall down, "I don't know Simon, I am hurting myself, I am hurting him, maybe it's for the best."

"You could really leave us? No, regrets…just wake up one morning and disappear."

"To leave you, completely? No, I couldn't, ever. But to keep my distance, that I could do, you know, make sure you are all safe, but not cause any more distress to anyone. I mean look at what happened, I fucked up with Negan, I fucked up with Arat, hell, it's a matter of time I fuck up with you. Then what? I end up adding, even more, names to the list of people I hurt and be left with nothing but more regrets. "

"And what about you? Who will make sure you are safe?"

"Hahaha," she laughed, looking at him, shaking her head, "same demons that always made sure I am safe."

"Fucking sake psycho, you sure know how to freak out a person."

"Yes, I'm a natural."

"Listen, sleep on this, think about it, you had a few bad days, maybe tomorrow all will be ok, maybe not everything is as grim as you make it out to be. Wait, don't make any rushed decisions, and if after some time you feel the same way you do now, then leave, I promise I won't tell anyone about this conversation and I won't go looking for you… I mean, I probably will, Negan will make me, but I won't look too hard."

Simon smiled, bumping his shoulder against hers, winking, Alice looked at him and smiled back, pulling him into a tight embrace and kissing him on the cheek, making him blush. He wasn't used to people showing him any kind of affection, especially not this warm and kind, he didn't want Alice to leave, not only because of Negan but also because of him, she became like his little sister and he had lost too many close people to go through that again. But he knew if she stayed with them under this circumstances she would burn out fast and a thought about that scared him more than a thought about her just leaving.

He cleared his throat, "ok, now that we have a deal, let's get in, it's fucking cold outside and the last thing I need is for you to get sick," he pulled her up, leading her inside the school.

As they got inside Simon called for Arat, just to hear her voice coming from upstairs, they got up and walked inside the room Alice and Negan found.

Negan and Arat were standing behind the table running over the bunch of papers spread over the surface when they saw Simon and Alice coming in.

Negan looked up at Alice. she was standing with her back straight and her hands locked behind it, her head was held up high and her eyes were cold, she looked like a soldier standing in front of his general, he almost smiled at that, _'that's my girl'_ but decided against it.

"Everything alright?"

Simon opened his mouth to speak but Alice was faster, "Everything is in a perfect order, boss."

Negan looked at her, cocking his eyebrow and letting the wide grin spread across his face, "Good to know doll. Ok, let's find us a nice room for an evening and get some rest, we have a lot of ground to cover before we leave tomorrow midday," he grabbed Lucile from the table, before walking past Alice, winking at her and leaving the room, expecting them to follow.

They scavenged what they could out of the main building, there wasn't any food to be found but that was not surprising, places big like this were scavenged first when the outbreak started, but they found some clothing and blankets in one of the classrooms that was rearranged to be made fit for living, with desks moved to the sides to make a room in the middle for what it looked like campfire, there were obvious signs of fighting in it, with blood splattered all over the wall and bloody footprints leaving the room.

Alice kneeled down looking at the blood and running her fingers over it, "this shit is ancient, but it looks like someone did live here for some time."

"I wonder what happened to them?", Arat asked while looking through the pile of clothing resting on the top of one of the desks, "there is even child clothing here."

"Same thing that happened to many others," Alice told her while looking around the room, "I think this would be a suitable place to camp of an evening,"

Simon and Negan only nodded while already putting their backpacks down and looking around the room themselves.

They unpacked quickly, blocking the windows with some old wooden boards and barricading the door, they used the legs of the tables to set their camp fire on and made themselves comfortable around it.

They were all eating, except for Alice who was going through the pile of clothing scattered around the table.

"Alice, doll, dinner is ready," Negan called for her.

"Yeah, yeah, in a minute," she told him, waving her hand at them still concentrated on the task.

"Alice, what the fuck are you doing?" Negan asked her, with a hard voice.

"Arat was right, this is mostly child clothing here, we should pack it up and bring it with us."

"What? Are you planning on having one?" Simon asked her, just as Negan was taking a bit of his food, making him almost choke on it.

Alice couldn't help but laughed at that, coming to his side and tapping his on the back, "relax, boss, he is just kidding. And no, Simon, I am not, but we have a lot of kids back home and I think it would be a nice gesture to give this clothing for free, you know, sing of good will. People are super sensitive when they see someone loves kids or dogs. I mean a person can go and kill twenty people and then save one dog and he is cool in everyone's book."

"From where do you even get conclusions like that?" Arat looked up at her.

"Life experience sweet thing, life experience," Alice told her while tilting her head to the side and making her best half smile while scanning the woman from head to toe, Arat shifted in her seat, clearing her throat and continuing to eat.

In the pile, Alice found a black sweatshirt with white Harley-Davidson logo on the front side and white chopper on the back, she immediately thought of Darryl, being sure he would love it, one day when he comes to his sense.

"Look at this shit, it's neat, can I have it?" she turned around looking at Negan while holding it over her chest.

He looked up, chewing on his food, and surveying her, "well, fuck me, doll, you know you can take whatever you want. Why are you even asking?"

Alice smiled at him, swaying her head from one side to another, "just for a good measure, boss."

She took a sweatshirt and looked at it again when she felt something heavy in left pocket, she reached inside it, just to pull out a long key chain with over a dozen different keys on it, every single one labeled.

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Look at this people."

She threw a key chain toward Negan, he caught it without and effort and started examining it.

"Where the fuck did you find this?" Simon looked at her, placing his sandwich on the ground and leaned closer to Negan for a better look.

"In a pocket," Alice smiled at the absurdity of the whole situation while stuffing the sweater into her backpack.

"Here is a key of the garage," Negan triumphal held up one key amongst the dozen of them, smiling and looking at them.

"Can we have a look inside?" Alice jumped up.

"Tomorrow doll."

"Oh, c'mon boss, don't tell me you are not curious about what could be inside."

"Well, I fucking am, but it is getting dark outside and…"

"Oh, c'mon, don't tell me you are afraid of the dark?" Alice smiled at him, pulling the keychain out of his hand and running towards the door, pulling the barricade from it, she stood on the doorstep looking at Negan with a wild smile on her face, " the last one to the door, cleans my floor," and run out of the room.

It took Negan a second to collect himself," fucking shit, you crazy woman! Simon, grab Lucile we are checking out that garage," he told Simon as he ran after Alice.

He was out of the building when he saw her standing in front of the fountain, with her arms crossed, smirking at him, "tch, tch, tch, you are slow, boss."

"You better pray to God, I don't catch you," Negan told her while running in her direction, Alice squeal at that, before starting to run in towards the garages.

She heard a footstep approaching her, and in a moment she was on the ground just a few feet's away from her objective, she couldn't help but laugh as Negan turned her around, straddling her and pinning her arms above her head.

"Now, about you punishment, " he wickedly smiled, as he lowered his head to her neck, tickling her with I beard and making her shiver, just before she felt a jolt of pain go through the body as he bit her neck, making her arch her back and let out a loud moan.

Negan laughed, "well aren't you a kinky one," he whispered into her ear, tickling her with his breath, before kissing her earlobe, making her flustered.

At that moment Simon and Arat came, Simon just walked past them, bending down and taking a key chain from the ground, feet away from where Negan and Alice were lying "really, people, you two almost lost the keys."

He tried to sound strict, fighting a smile that was creeping on his face as he was looking down at them.

"Well, why the fuck do I keep you around Simon than to fix everything I break," Negan looked up at him, with a smile on his face, not getting up from Alice.

Alice took advantage of his moment of distraction, freeing her hands, taking him by the shoulders and swiftly turning him around, making him lay on the ground as she came to be on top of him.

"And once again, the victory is mine," she announced to everyone, bringing her arms up and kissing her biceps.

"You fucking cheated, doll." Negan protested.

"Hey, taking advantage of enemy's distraction is not cheating."

"So are we checking this garage or should I and Arat go back inside while you to finish, then you call for us... or…?" Simon asked them while already unlocking the lock on the first door.

"Alright, alright." Alice stood up, extending her hand to help Negan get up as they both walked towards Simon.

"Let's see what's behind door number one," Simon looked at them while bending down and getting ready to pull the door up, while Arat, Negan, and Alice held up their weapons, getting ready for whatever comes out of there.

As the door opened the waves of warm air and dust struck them, making the cough and instantly bring their arms to their eyes, as cloud cleared out, it revealed a big, yellow bus with black stripes, in front to them.

"Well, well, look at this beauty." Simon smiled while going in the garage.

"I can't fucking believe it, a school bus," Alice smiled while going around the vehicle and running her hand over its black stripes.

"Well, didn't we hit a fucking jackpot," Negan laughed, leaning backward with Lucile loosely resting on his shoulders

"Does it work?" Arat asked them, not even entering the garage.

Simon was already inside looking around with the battery trying to find a key.

"Here, try this one," Alice unbuckled on of the keys from the chain and threw it to him. Simon caught it, slipping it inside the steering wheel and turning it around, it took him three times before the bus started to work, making them all cheer.

"Shit like this just tickles my balls," Negan turned around, flaunting towards the second door and waiting for Simon to come."

"Ok, one down, two more to go," Simon took the key chain from Alice, pinning the bus key back on it and walking towards Negan.

The same case was with next two garages, almost new school buses parked inside, in working condition and with the tank full of gas.

After they were finished, they all got back to the room they were before, barricading the doors anew and throwing a few logs they found outside on the fire.

"I just don't get it, how are those busses intact and still there," Arat was the one to voice the question everyone else was asking themselves.

"I don't fucking know, god bless small miracles," Negan told them while sitting behind Alice, extending his legs on each of her sides and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Something is not right about this place," Alice told them while looking at the flames in front of her.

"Fucking shit, doll, enjoy the moment," Negan nudged her head to the side with his, with a big smile on his face, kissing the side of her neck, where the hickey he left her was starting to show.

Alice smiled at him, wrapping herself in his arms and deciding to let go of the nagging feeling for once in her life, there was not much she could to about it anyway, so she might as well just enjoy the evening, after the last few days she had, she really needed it.

Later, on they exchanged the blankets between themselves and decided to go to sleep early, with no one on the guard duty, they were in the middle of nowhere and with barricaded door and windows, the rest was more important than the unnecessary precaution.

Negan shifted in his sleep, the sound of thunder and rain roaming outside woke him up, he was feeling hot and while coming to his senses, heard someone humming not far from him something that sounded like a lullaby, he reached out for Lucile and swung her in the direction from where the sound was coming from, just to see Alice sitting beside him, and looking at some point on the wall, her legs were close to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, he looked down to where he was sleeping and saw that her blanket was now over him.

"What the fuck doll, why aren't you sleeping?", he whispers, startling her from her thoughts.

Alice looked down at where he was sleeping, " I can't," she told him before going back the to position she was before.

Negan fixed himself up in sitting position, resting his back on the wall and rolling his head in her direction.

"You will freeze, why did you put your blanket over me?"

"You were shivering, I thought you were cold, I was not."

Her answers were robotic, Negan saw her in that state before, it would usually occur after she would wake up from a nightmare and usually wouldn't last long.

"Well, are you cold… now?" he lifted his hands, waving them over her figure.

"No."

"Fuck, doll, had another nightmare? Do you want to tell me?"

"No."

"No fucking what, Alice snap out of it," he snapped his fingers close to her face trying to bring her back to reality.

"No, I didn't have a nightmare, I can't sleep."

"Are you…" he was carefully stepping on this turf, "…thinking about what happened today. Listen, doll, what I said to you…"

"I don't want to talk about it, we are good now, right?", she looked at him and Negan just nodded, "and no it has nothing to do with my insomnia."

"Then what the fuck is wrong, doll, don't fucking scare me."

"I just. I don't know… I have a bad feeling in my chest... Like I should stay awake and wait for something to happen and I don't know what."

"Oh, c'mon doll, come here," he lifted his blankets and gestured for her to come closer.

Alice looked at him for a long moment before giving up, she curled beside him bringing her head into the crook of his neck, while playing with the hem of his shirt.

"What were you humming before I interrupted you?" he asked her while playing with her hair.

"A song my mother used to sing to us when we couldn't sleep."

"It sounded nice. Sing it to me."

Alice looked up at him and smiled, placing a kiss on his chin, while placing her hand on his chest and continuing to hum the same melody until she fell asleep.

The loud sound of car siren pealed through the school waking her up, Alice looked around herself trying to figure out what is happening, she looked down where Negan was, shaking him to wake up.

"Fucking shit, Alice, will you ever let me sleep."

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Fucking listen."

Negan tried to figure out what is she talking about while coming back to the reality, when he heard the sound, "what the fucking fuck is that?"

Alice was up in second, putting her gear on, tugging her face shield over her nose and started to break down the wood planes that were nailed over the windows.

Negan followed her lead, getting up and waking Arat and Simon.

"What the…" Simon mumbled while rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Everyone get the fuck up! Now!" Negan yell, while going to help Alice.

It took them more than five minutes to pull down enough plates to look through the windows, Alice stood there with her eyes wide opened, "what the fuck!"

Negan came at her side looking through the windows and for the first time in a long time feeling petrified, the once empty courtyard was filling with Walkers, their truck was now right at the entrance with the siren on and doors closed.

"How the fuck did our truck get there?", Arat whispered like she was afraid someone will hear her.

"Well it doesn't have fucking legs, someone moved it!" Negan yell, trying to figure out what to do next, he was there with three people he couldn't stand to lose and the place was filling with more and more dead as each minute passed.

"You didn't get a talking dog but looks like you got a walking car."

Alice was unusually calm, taking her binoculars and looking through the window, scanning the area, looking for any clue about what happened while they were asleep.

"It's not time to make jokes, Alice, we are in a fucking trouble!", Negan yelled at her, feeling annoyed with the calmest she was taking this.

"It is not, but it is also not the time to lose heads. Ok, we need to think clearly."

"Fuck clearly, they will get into the school soon! And we are all dead!", Simon was now the one to yell, running his hand through his hair and pacing from one side of the room to another.

"There must me a way out" Arat puffed some air out of her lounges while shifting her attention between everyone in the room.

"There is," Alice told them with a smile on her face.

Negan looked at her and he couldn't help himself but smile along, something told him he will like what he was about to hear.

"See, the truck is parked right below the balcony?" Alice pointed in the direction of the truck, "it has a roof window, all we need to do is go back to that big fancy office, opened the balcony door, jump down on the roof, blow the window opened, get in and drive the fuck away from this place."

"Wow, we only need to do that?!" Simone looked at her, not believe what he is hearing.

"Well fuck me, Simon, you got any better ideas?" Alice looked at him.

"No, but c'mon, Alice that is insane, we will never make it."

"If we stay here what fucking chance do we got and we will fucking make it, I am not losing any of you! " Negan yelled at them, trying to put the stop the growing argument and looking at Alice, "any of you, so no playing a fucking hero, do you hear me!?"

"Yes," Alice let her head fall, he was talking to everyone around them but she knew that little remark was meant for her.

"Ok, everybody move!. Let's get to that balcony; I want to be in my warm bed until this day ends."

"I hear that," Alice told him while checking her gun.

"Are you joining me, doll?"

Alice looked at him and smiled, "survive this and you'll see."

"Well now, doll, you sure know how to kick man's will to live up," he winked at her, with a wide smile on his face, showing his pearly whites, as he swung Lucile down from his shoulders to rest by his side, ready to attack. Alice took her backpack from the floor, and ran towards Negan, as they all left the room.

Inside of the school was oddly empty, few walker managed to get in, while the rest was stuck in between the iron mesh of the door frame.

They easily disposed of the few strangles that were inside the hall, and went towards the upper floor, opening the office doors and getting inside, Alice was behind the big desk trying to push it forward, but it wouldn't budge.

"Will someone fucking help me with this?!"

"What are you trying to do Alice?" Arat looked at her, not coming to her help.

"Dance a fucking tango, what does it look like I am doing, c'mon we need to barricade those doors."

"Leave it, doll, we don't have fucking time for that!" Negan called for her while smashing the balcony doors opened with his foot.

"We need to keep safe, no rushing things, c'mon someone fucking help me?!" , Alice yelled at them while trying to push the desk one more time, at that moment Simon came at her side to help her.

"C'mon people, she won't leave until we do it," he said out loud while focusing all his strength to the task at hand, Negan and Arat, looked at each other, while shaking the heads and coming behind the desk themselves.

With their strength united the desk moved with easy, they placed it right at the door, making sure it is as close as possible to the door before walking towards the balcony.

"Why the fuck did we just do this," Negan ask Alice.

She just shrug her shoulders, shaking her head, "I don't know, I just felt I should to it."

"Fucking sake doll, you weird me out sometimes," he smiled at her while walking to the edge of the balcony and looking down at their truck, it was surrounded by walkers, that were pounding down on it, trying to see if there is something inside.

The sound of the siren was even louder outside, making it almost impossible to think.

"Ok, so I will jump first, break that window open and turn that fucking siren down, the rest of you come immediately after me, alright?", Alice looked at them, Arat and Simon nodded their heads while Negan was looking at her, clearly displeased with the way she wanted to go.

"I said no fucking heroics, Alice."

"Well, someone has to go first, and I am the leanest one, don't worry Negan, this isn't my first jump like this."

She came close to him, bringing her hand behind his head and planting a long kiss on his lips. Negan wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her even closer to himself and deepened the kiss.

Simon looked at them, clearing his throat and looking at Arat, who was unnaturally calm, giving the situation.

Alice was the first to break the kiss, winking at Negan before turning around and jumping down from the balcony onto the truck's roof.

She landed on her feet, keeping her balance with her hand while in the other she held on her machete, swinging it around and killing all the walker close to the roof, letting them fall over the truck as the obstacle for the rest of them.

She looked up just to see Negan, Arat, and Simon looking down at her, at that moment she felt a hand on her boot, pulling her closer and biting down on it.

"Alice, look down!" She heard Negan yell, the moment she looked and saw a walker trying to penetrate the leather of her boot and come close to her skin.

"You ruined my boots, you fucker!" she yelled while bringing her heel to his head, kicking him down from the roof.

"I'm ok, I'm ok, not bitten!" she looked up at the balcony, signaling them that everything is alright.

She took her Eagle aiming it towards the truck window and shooting the glass, it dispersed in peace's, all over the front seats, "fuck, I didn't think about this," she muttered under her breath as she crawled in.

The inside of the truck was the same as they left it, with exception of something that looked like an old broomstick, tucked between the driver's seat and steering wheel.

"Well, what a fucking invention," she rolled her eyes, taking the broom and throwing it outside through the roof window.

"Ok, everyone, ready!" She yelled, coming back to the roof and waiting for Negan, Simon, and Arat to jump.

First one was Arat, Alice caught her as she was about to storm past her and go head first into a herd, that was now growing even bigger, coming from all sides to the truck.

Alice was swinging her machete at them, trying to keep them at bay as long as possible as Simon jumped down, taking his knife and helping her, while Arat was trying to turn on the truck.

At that moment another walker came, somehow managing to climb up and attack Alice, making her fall on the front windows, trying to push him away from her as dozen other walkers were reaching for her.

"Simon, Alice!" Negan yell from the balcony, as Simon turned and planted his knife into walkers head, making him fall to the side, Alice was up in no second, looking around herself at the growing herd.

"How the fuck are we going to get out of here!"

At that moment she saw a flare bomb flying over there head and landing on the other side of the courtyard, distracting the part of the walkers away from the truck.

"Go, now! Go!" Negan yelled from the balcony.

"What, no!" Alice yelled, "You said no fucking heroics, you bastard!"

"Simon, get her out of here!"

Alice looked at him, trying to figure out is he serious. Negan tilted his head to the side,

"I am fucking sorry doll."

"No, I am not leaving!" Alice was struggling, as Simon took her by her waist and started to push her to get into the truck

"You will get us all fucking killed Alice," Simon growled at her, as she scratched his cheek with her fingernails.

"I don't fucking care, I am not leaving!"

"Get the hell out of here, you fucking hear me, listen to me for once in your fucking life! Go! Go! Go!"

"No, not this again!"

"This isn't your fault, doll, do you hear me, this isn't your fault! Now get her out of here Simon, are you fucking deaf?!"

At that moment Alice felt a hands on her calf, it was Arat pulling her down and making her fall on the back seat.

"Fuck this shit, I am not leaving," Alice was about to reach for the window as she took a blow to her abdomen and making her lose her breath.

"You will! Don't make me do it again Alice," Arat pleaded as Simon was turning on the truck and trying to push past the walkers.

They were out of the courtyard in a matter of a minute, Alice looked through the window just to see Negan standing there, waving them goodbye and looking down at growing heard, as they drove off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure." - Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons

Alice was looking through the back window, only to see more and more walkers getting into the courtyard, she felt numb, angry, disappointed, she didn't know what she felt, entire storm of feelings was growing inside of her ready to swallow everything on its way, she knew, she should get out of that truck and go save Negan, but she also knew there is nothing she could do now, except to die herself and that didn't seem like such a bad option at the moment.

"We need to go back!" she looked at review mirror, to catch the glimpses of Simon, his eyes were red like he was crying.

"There is nothing we can do about it now."

"Fuck that shit, there is always something to be done."

"Alice, get a hold of yourself and reality, there is nothing that can be done, he is gone Alice," Arat turned to her, taking her head in her hand and making her face her, "he is gone. Do you hear me."

Alice shook her head while hitting Arat's hand from her face, gripping her by her collar and pulling her as close as he could from in between the seats with so much force that it made Arat grip on Simons' shoulder to defend herself making him almost lose control over the vehicle.

"No, he is still there, I can save him," Alice growled, Arat felt her hot breath on her face and read the madness that was now etched into her eyes, it made her skin crawl as she fought against her grip but was defenseless, Alice was holding her too tight, tilting her head to the side with an unreadable smirk on her face, she looked like she was contemplating hundred and one way to kill her.

"Psycho, there is nothing to be done, please calm down," Simon yelled

"Fuck you!" , Alice looked at him, and it was that moment of distraction that Aras used, hitting her over the head and making her fall unconscious.

"Wtf, did you just do!" Simon yelled, turning to look at Alice's unconscious form, now lying on the back seat.

"She needs to cool down before she does something that will get us all killed," was all Arat said before turning to look at the road, Simon didn't say a word just looked at Alice one more time.

ooo

Alice fell on the back seat, one moment she was in the truck the next she was in the dark, looking around herself, at that moment she saw a face of a woman that looked just like her, with long red hair, green eyes, and full plum lips, smiling at her.

"Mom," she whispered, reaching to her.

"It's time to wake up darling, you'll be late."

"Late for what, where's dad?"

"Late for the rest of your life," the woman smiled, acting like she was entertained for being the one to point out the obvious.

"Are you coming with me?", the woman just shook her head and started to fade away as the ray of light appeared behind her.

"Mom," Alice whispered before opening her eyes and coming back to the reality.

She saw a roof of the truck before letting her eyes fall down and look at the Arat and Simon, they were driving silently, not minding her, then she glanced at the clock on the panel, just to see she was out for more than half an hour, they probably didn't expect her to wake up so soon and she didn't expect to be out for so long, it was too long, every minute was a minute too long in her books.

She looked around herself slowly, trying not to signal them that she was up, trying to figure out what she should do, with every passing minute the courtyard was probably getting more and more filled with Walkers and with every passing minute she is another minute of drive away from him, time didn't play in her favor, the numbers didn't play her favor, nothing played in her favor but still she knew she needed to go back.

At moment she was looking at passing trees, thinking all she could do is jump off and run toward the school, it would take her some time, but she would get there, and he would be alive and then what?

Millions of thoughts were rushing through her head, she winced at the pain, she run her fingers over her neck, feeling the spot where Negan bit her, it was probably blue now and it hurt when touched but all it did was make her smile at the memory and at that moment she decided she will go for it, fuck it all, she will just jump, get there and figure something out along the way, anything is better than running in opposite direction.

She was about to reach for the backpack when she saw a keychain they found last night hanging from it.

"Hello there old friend," she whispered while taking it in her hand and looking through the labels.

Simon was lost in his world, not being sure is this really happening, is Negan really gone, is he the one in charged now, and the thought that frighten him the most, is he the one to calm down Alice after this and keep her in line, when he felt a cold metal on the back of his head and a clicking sound of gun safety.

"What the fuck?" Arat looked at the back seat, aiming her gun at the Alice, who now had her Eagle resting on Simon's nape.

"Stop the truck," she growled, not even paying attention to Arat.

"Fuck it psycho what are you doing?"

"I said stop the fucking truck!" Alice's voice filled the cabin, making his skin crawl, it didn't sound like her, it looked like another person was sitting there, and that person wasn't their friend, that person was no one's friend, he wasn't kidding himself, he knew she would shoot him, she would kill Arat and take their truck for her suicide run.

"Arat, holster your weapon, we are stopping," Simon ordered, slowing down and going to turn the truck off.

"Keep the engine running," Alice told him while opening her door, and going outside, always keeping him on point with her gun.

She opened the door for him, gesturing for him to get outside, "you to, Arat, don't kid yourself I will shoot."

Arat was out of the vehicle in second, keeping her gun still on Alice, not minding Simon's order,

"So this is how it is, you play friend with us until the first opportunity arises for you to betray us?"

"I betrayed no one, my loyalties were always known and don't try to stall me, drop the fucking gun!"

"Arat do it!" Simon ordered her again, praying to God for the first time in his life, hoping she will listen to him.

"No, this is bullshit, she will take our truck and go God knows where, and what will we do."

"I am going to get Negan, now drop the fucking gun down or I will fucking shoot both of you, I don't have time for this!"

"Fucking shit Arat, do it!?", Simone yelled.

"He is dead Alice, get a hold of yourself!", Arat tired calling her to her senses one last time.

"If he is, you must be mad to think I will let him be like them, I will kill him, but I won't let him walk around this world like those empty shells, stripped of all dignity! I…I want to at least get a chance to bury him! Now put the fucking gun down!"

"That is a suicide run, no, I won't let you."

"You are no one to let me!" Alice was fuming, she pulled the trigger making the bullet fly right over Arat's shoulder, "next one goes to your head!'

"Arat put the fucking gun down!", Simon was on the edge of his nerves, he didn't survive the horde just to be gunned down by one of his own.

Arat couldn't believe her eyes, couldn't believe that this was the same person she shared a bed with just a two nights ago, the person she called a friend, person who made her smile, was this the person who filled Gavin's socks with peanut butter as a prank.

She heard people talking about her 'other side' after the incident in Alexandria she somehow missed to witness, but she always thought they were just over exaggerating, blowing things out of proportions and even if that other side did exist she would have never expected her or Simon to be on a receiving end.

"Are you fucking deaf, put the gun down now or I swear I will kill you!", Arat snapped out of her thoughts, lowering the gun down slowly, keeping her eyes on Alice, who looked like a feral dog.

"Good girl, now put those pretty hands on your head, and go kneel near that tree, you to Simon," Alice gave them an order, shoving Simon in Arat's direction, keeping them both at gunpoint but on safe distance from her, so none of them had a chance to disarm her before falling to her bullet.

"I am fucking sorry about this," Alice told them while opening the driver's seat and getting into the truck, turning around, looking at them, "here, here is all you will need to get safe back home," Alice told them before throwing out three backpacks with all the food and water they had and driving in the direction they came from.

"Why did you let her do it?" Arat snapped when the truck was out of the view looking at Simon.

"And what should I have done? Let her kill us?" he told her while getting up and shaking the dust of his pants.

"She wouldn't have done that, she was just bluffing"

"Arat she would, there's not a person in this word she wouldn't kill in this situation."

"I fucking know her Simon, I don't believe that"

Simon shook his head as he was reaching for one of the backpacks Alice gave them, "you don't know shit, Arat, now let's get home."

"Wait, we are not going after her? She will get herself killed."

Simon smiled at that, looking at the direction the truck disappeared, "wanna bet?"

ooo

Alice was driving as fast as she could hoping against all hope she will make it on time, there is no way dead broke through inside the room where Negan was, she knew it, not with the barricade and the staircase that were separating him from the first floor , the only thing she feared is that Negan would get tired of waiting for dead to come to him and decide that he will be the one to go to them and take out as many as possible before falling.

As she was driving she tried to figure out how is she supposed to pull this one off, she knew what she wanted to do, but she didn't know how will she do it without screwing something up, she only gets one chance with this and she better not blow it, or they would both end up dead.

ooo

Negan was sitting on the edge of the balcony, looking down at the walkers beneath him and whistling a song Alice always hummed when cleaning a gun, or trying to concentrate on some task.

He was thinking about her ever since they left, hoping she is fine, hoping that she will make it through without blaming herself for what happened, hoping that Simon will take care of her and have the patient he didn't have to put up with all her little quirks, the patient he now wished he somehow mustered.

People use to say that when a man is about to die he regrets things he didn't get to do and not the ones he did. When thinking about this theory, he always thought that his last thoughts will be with Lucile, his life before, regretting the way he loved her, wishing he did it differently, more tenderly, more passionate, being grateful he will die soon and that all the feeling of guilty will finally disappear.

But now while he was sitting there, looking down at his death, all he could think of is Alice, regretting he didn't keep his mouth shot more, regretting he didn't kiss her more, tried to understand her reasoning's behind what she did, things she said.

He tried to put her into gilded cage, even though she wasn't a type of bird who is able to live in one, and he knew it, but he was selfish, he wanted to look at her through pretty gold bars, admiring her beauty for a distance, not letting the world touch her, up until the day she would start plucking out her own feathers in gruesome attempt to get out, up until the moment she would start hating him for what he has done to her, for what he has turned her into, and he would still keep her there, knowing pretty well it is harming her, but not caring, better that then to lose the sound of her song forever, to let the world take it away from him, just as it took so many things before.

He smiled when he thought about the way she would freak people out, the faces they would make after talking to her, the way she use to sing every time she thought he wasn't listening to her, how she would drink everyone under the table and make them tell her their dirtiest little secrets which she would then keep jealousy to herself, never telling anyone, the way she disobeyed him, fought with him over every little thing she didn't like, and then half an hour later act like nothing happened, he had to admit to himself while looking down at his death, he will miss his life, he will miss her.

"Fuck, just when things were looking up," he swore under his breath, before taking his gun and killing one of the walkers in the distance.

At that moment he heard a music in the distance, he stood up, looking in the direction it was coming from, "what…the….fuck."

_'Iiiiiiif it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago …Where did you come from where did you go …Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe'_

The song was getting louder and louder, he was sure he is losing his mind, before he saw a black truck, jumping up on every little crack on the road from the force of the speed it was going.

"Fuck it, Alice," he was sure it was her, no one was crazy enough to come back except her, at that moment truck stormed inside the courtyard, driving past the main building and hitting the tree in the back.

"Alice!", he yelled, getting inside the room and looking through the window at the place where truck crashed, the front hood fell off, with a smoke coming from it, the front doors were opened, but no one was there, "where are you, you crazy woman," he mumbled while running outside and looking around the courtyard, but there was no one there.

The song coming from the truck didn't stop, averting walker's attention from him and the front entrance, he thought about jumping down, but there was a big chance the fall wouldn't go without consequences and he would rather not find out which.

ooo

Alice wasn't sure what to do, when she looked down at the instrument panel, still not happy with the speed she was going, "c'mon you fucking piece of junk ," she was hitting the steering wheel, while holding down the gas with as much force she could, at that moment her eyes flew over the brown bag that was resting on the dashboard, she smiled, reaching for it and placing it on her lap, she dug through it for a second, before feeling with her hand what she was looking for.

"I fucking love you, mustache man," she looked at the tape in her hand, thinking about Simon and hoping he won't be too mad about her pointing a gun to his head and threating to kill him.

She was close to the school, she drew slowly past it, evaluating the situation, it looked like the horde was scattered now, walking aimlessly around the courtyard, Alice felt her heart sink as she looked around trying to see will she spot Negan amongst them, but he was not there, then she finally mustered the courage to look up at the balcony, and there he was, sitting on the edge, resting his head on one of his hands, looking down at few of the walker that were still trying to get to him.

"There you are," Alice jump in her seat of joy, laughing out loud and hitting the steering wheel, "yes, yes, yes," she couldn't remember the last time she felt so overwhelmingly happy, she turned around and went back in the direction she came, getting on top of the hill and looking down in the direction of school.

"ok, time to get you out of there," she clapped her hands while popping the tape into the player and turning the volume up.

She hit the gas and went down as fast as she could, trying to keep control of the vehicle long enough to get in the courtyard and near the school garages.

As she turned around sharply, struggling with control, while she was already hitting a few of the walker that were on her way, she looked ahead, seeing a tree in a perfect diagonal line from her, "ok, it's time to rubble," she smiled, hitting the gas one last time before opening the passengers door and jumping out of the moving truck.

She rolled few feet's away from where she landed, before stopping and rashly standing up, few of the walker already saw her trying to grab her, she quickly dispose of them before running in the direction of the garages.

ooo

Negan was running from one side of the balcony to another, looking all over the courtyard, trying to figure out where Alice is, he didn't understand where the fuck could she have gone, when he heard a sound of engine running and saw one of the garage's doors flying across the yard and landing on the few walkers on the other side.

"What..the…fuck," he turned in the direction of garage only to see one of the school bussed coming to him, he couldn't help himself, he started to laugh like a maniac at the site of Alice on the drivers seat, with her mad grimace on, she was moving her lips like she was cursing, and he was sure she was, he only felt sorry he wasn't there to hear it.

The Bus stopped just below the balcony as the doors opened and Alice came out, swinging her machete at the walkers that were trying to get to her, before looking up at where Negan was standing.

"What the fuck are you waiting for, jump!", she yelled at him, sounding even angrier that he anticipated her to be.

"As you say doll," he smiled jumping down on the roof of the bus and then on the ground, coming to stand on her side, with Lucile in his hands, taking down one walker at the time.

"Get inside now," Alice yelled, while pushing him in the direction of the bus as she came inside after him, tapping down the bottom for closing the doors and taking her place behind the wheel, "let's get out of this fucking school, I had enough of this place, "she told him, before hitting the gas so unexpectedly he almost lost his balance, and flew across the bus.

They were driving silently, Negan wanted to ask her something, anything, but he couldn't voice a single word, he didn't know what to say, so he was just sitting in the front seat one of his legs resting on his knee, and Lucile on his lap, looking at the scenery and still coping with the fact that he will live.

"Where are we going now?", he finally spoke, and he knew it was the dumbest question he could have asked her.

"To wonderland, but first we need to pick up a few more passengers, I really hope….," Alice face changed a million different expressions, while she straightened up, looking in front of herself, "what the…"

Negan turned his attention to the road and saw a walker standing on the side of it, looking at them as they passed.

"Is that?", he couldn't believe his eyes, Alice was right.

"Yes, it fucking is!" Alice told him while putting the gear in reverse and driving back to the standing walker.

They pull near him, Negan couldn't believe his eyes, Alice was right all along, the walker was just standing there, looking at them like he was about to speak and ask them for a drive.

Alice rolled down the window, placing her hand on her Eagle and looking at him.

"Did you have anything to do with the school and walkers?", Negan couldn't believe she was trying to talk to it.

But walker just smiled and nodded and to Negan surprise, Alice smiled as well, nodding back.

"Is there more of you?" she spoke again and walker just shrugged his shoulders.

"Are they looking at us now?", walker just nodded.

"Good," Alice grinned, taking her eagle and fired out of it, shooting a walker straight between his eyes.

"You don't mess with Saviors, you fucking abominations!" she yelled before hitting the gas and driving away, not even once turning to look back to where the walker was now lying.

ooo

"God, damn it doll, you are hot when you are mad, I love it!" Negan said, throwing his head back and starting to laugh as a madman, before standing up and kissing her.

Alice stopped the vehicle in a second, making him fly forward.

"Damn it, doll, stop doing that!"

She stood up, coming close to him and slapping him so hard he also turned a full circle, he looked at her confused, her face was red, with her eyes wide opened, she was breathing heavily through the nose, while keeping her lips tightly shot, to say that she was fuming would be a big, big understatement.

"What was that for?"

"What was that for?! What was that for?! Really, you don't have a fucking clue what could that be for?!", Alice yelled while going to stand in the middle of the bus.

Negan was silently looking at her, deciding that speaking at this moment would do him no good.

"Nothing," Alice waved her hands, "not a damn thing comes to your mind!?"

She laughed running her hand through her hair and letting her ponytail loose, "what in a fucking hells fucking name, did you fucking think you were fucking doing back there!?"

Negan couldn't help but laugh at the number of time she used the word 'fuck' in one sentence.

"What the fuck is so funny?"

"God, damn it doll, you have worst vocabulary than me," he told her while slowing approaching her.

"This is not a fucking joke Negan, you almost died there!"

"Would saying 'I'm sorry' make things better?", he was now standing in front of her.

"No, it would fucking not, not when I can clearly see you are not, what were you thinking! "

"You," he placed his hand on her face, slowly running his thumb over her lips.

Alice leaned into the touch, closing her eyes, feeling the anger and pain slowly fading away, then the memory of him telling them to leave struck her again.

"No, you are not smooth talking yourself out of this one," she opened her eyes, backing away from him and his touch, "I want to know, why?!"

"I am not smooth talking myself out of nothing, I saw that if we waited any longer none of us would make it out alive, I made a decision every good leader should make, it was me or all of us, I chose me."

"Fuck you and your good leadership, what use are you to us dead?"

"Well I can't die with a stubborn woman like you at my side, I am sure you would go to hell just to drag my ass back so you can lecture me."

"You bet that sweet ass of yours that I would," she told him while closing a gap between them and suddenly kissing him.

Negan was surprised, as she threw herself on him, pushing him around and pinning him to the doors, never once breaking apart their lips, she grabbed his jacket, pulling it down from his shoulders and throwing it on the other side of the bus.

Negan smiled under the kiss, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer, he broke the kiss, looking at her, "really doll? Here and now?"

"Yes, here and now?" she told him before starting to kiss his neck.

"Are you sure, doll?"

"Will you stop talking already," she told him, in between the kisses.

"As you wish," he laughed, before removing her vest and unzipping her jacket, throwing both of them towards the driver's seat.

He started kissing her along her jawline, while putting his hands underneath her shirt and pulling it up, leaving her only in her bra, she tried to do the same to him but he just shook off her attempt, "tch, tch, tch, not yet," he smiled and she let go of frustrated grunt.

He placed her on the floor in between the seats, unzipping her boots and removing them, before coming slowly on top of her, tracing the line from her belly to her jaw with his tongue, making her back arch, as she ran her fingers through his hair and tightly holding on to it. He was now, face to face with her, smiling and biting his lower lip at the site of her flushing face and trembling lips.

"C'mon, man do something," she pleaded and he rubbed against her through his jean, making her feel him.

"No, not yet, now that I have you like this I will savor it, " he laughed before starting to kiss her neck again and unbuckling her pants, tucking his hand into them and finding the bundle of nerves he was looking for and started massaging it in circles.

Alice was out of herself, arching her back as the wave of heat run through her body, making her heart race and her legs tremble, Negan was pinning her down with his entire weight, kissing her neck and playing with her, she felt dizzy and weightless, closing her eyes and falling into oblivion, before she felt him stopping what he was doing and getting up.

She opened her eyes just to see him kneeling in between her legs, with a satisfied smirk on his face, "did you liked that," he purred as he reached for her pants pulling them off together with her panties and leaving her bare in front of him.

He placed his head in between her tights, finding the same spot again, running his tongue over it, and she couldn't take it anymore, she jolted up, letting out a loud moan, squeezing his head with her legs, trying to get him even closer to her, she was out of herself, but at the moment she was about to fall apart, he stopped, coming back to his kneeling position, looking at her.

"Did I ever tell you, you look beautiful naked?" he asked her while running his hand over her lower belly, but not moving it down, teasing her.

Alice just looked at him, not being able to find her voice, only nodding, Negan laughter at that, biting his lip again and running his tongue over his perfect teeth, "I don't fucking hear you, doll."

"Yes, yes you did, now will you fuck me already or what?"

"And here I was, thinking we were making love," he told her with a hurtful expression on his face.

"NEGAN," she growled, she wasn't the most patient person in the world and he knew it, but that only made playing around with her more fun.

"Ok, ok, sweet lady, your wish is my command," he told her before unbuckling his pants.

ooo

Half an hour later they were lying on the floor of the bus, with their clothing scattered all over, Alice was resting her head on his bare chest, fighting her urge to drift into sweet oblivion as Negan's hand trace the line of her spine up and down, he was oddly quiet, Alice looked up at him, his eyes were fixed on some point on the bus ceiling.

"Everything alright?" she popped herself up, looking down at him.

He tore his eyes from the spot he was fixating them for some time and looked at her and smiled, "everything is more than alright, doll. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem distracted, that's all, I just assumed…"

"You assumed something is wrong?" his smile turned into a wide grin.

"Well… yes."

"Everything is perfect, doll," he told her before turning her around and coming on top of her again, "I was just thinking what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this. I mean I was thinking I will surely die just two hours ago and now look at me, butt necked in a school bus with you. Even you have to admit that is one big fucking miracle. I just can't believe this is fucking real."

"Well now, I have a few ideas about how to reassure you it is," Alice smiled, pulling him closer and kissing him, "ready for another round."

"What only one?", Negan started to kiss her neck again, as she turned him around, placing herself on the top.

"You are cheating again, doll," Alice wickedly smiled while running her hand down, before he stopped her.

"Ok, doll, I just have to ask you something, or I will think about it the whole time and I fucking don't want to think about it the whole time, where are Simon and Arat?"

At that Alice's face turned serious, "oooh, shit, shit, shit, shit!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a child's blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality...I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence."
> 
> ― Anaïs Nin, Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo this is the longest chapter I ever wrote, hope you like it :)  
> And with this chapter, this story is concluded, I will publish the first chapter of the next one by the end of this week :)

"Where are Simon and Arat?"

"Oooh, shit, shit, shit, shit", Alice quickly stood up, taking her clothing and starting to dress, Negan propped himself on his elbows, clearly confused at her reaction.

"What the fuck got into you doll?"

Alice looked down at him, "C'mon man get up, we need to find Simon and Arat."

"What do you mean, find them? Alice where are they?"

"I don't fucking know, I left them somewhere along the road."

Negan couldn't believe what he is hearing, trying to understand, how in the hells name she managed to just lose two fully grown people.

"Alice, how did you lose them?" Negan was up, buckling his jeans and trying to find his shirt.

"Well, I didn't loseeee them," Alice run her hand through her hair, turning around herself, clearly trying to find something as well, "but I did lose my bra, where the fuck is it?"

"Here you go," Negan told her while taking her bra from a steering wheel and throwing it back to her, "now you were saying?"

"Thank you, boss. I was saying what?" she asked him, trying to avoid the subject entirely.

"Alice, doll,…"

"Alight, alight, I threw them out of the truck somewhere along the road, but I didn't lose them, I know where I left them, I just don't know where they are now. So technically they lost themselves, right?"

Negan couldn't believe what he is hearing, she just threw them out, he let his head fall with a chuckle, he tried to imagine it, but just couldn't.

"So you just told them to get out and they did?"

Alice walked past him, with her head held down, sitting behind the steering wheel and ignoring his question, "are you going to sit down, we need to move."

Negan complied instantly, not willing to test her patients and his balance.

They were driving in silence for five minutes before Negan couldn't take it anymore, the curiosity was killing him, "alright doll, I fucking need to know how you managed to throw them out of the truck?"

Alice looked at him for a brief moment before fixing her attention back on the road, "with a gun," she quickly blurted out.

"A gun," Negan looked at her, not believing what he heard, "a gun, that gun?", he pointed at her eagle, that was resting on her tight.

"Well, yeah, that's the only gun I have, it would be tricky business with a knife and I left my bow back home not that it would be much more practical," she shrugged her shoulder, never averting her attention from a road, hoping she will spot them at any moment.

Negan started to laugh, hitting his hand against his thigh and throwing his head back, "God damn it, doll, I love you," he mumbled before turning his attention back at the passing landscape, deciding to keep further questions for after they find Simon and Arat.

Alice just looked at him, he looked like he wasn't even aware of what he said, so she just smiled, not wanting to make any remarks on that.

ooo

Simon and Arat were staggering along the road, with a noon sun beating down on them, it was a hot day and the lack of shade made it only worst, all the water Alice left them was now warm, not good for killing thirst or heat.

"God damn it, still not signal," Simon was beating down on a radio in his hand, when Alice's backpack fell off his shoulder, making him even angrier.

"Are you sure it even works?", Arat was out of herself, hoping they will find at least a bit of shade, to rest.

"Yes, Alice uses it all the time to talk to the boss."

"You mean she used it."

"No, I don't mean that," Simon turned to look at Arat trying to make a point when Alice's backpack fell off his shoulder once again, "Goddamn it, Alice, I will kill you!"

"You have a hard time grasping the reality just like she did, no wonder she was about the only person you could function with."

"Fuck you, Arat," he told her while taking a large sip out of the bottle they were carrying, "God, this shit tastes like piss."

At that moment he heard a something like a car siren coming from behind them, he turned around and couldn't believe his eyes; a yellow school bus was coming their way.

"What.. the…" Arat was sure it was some kind of mirage.

Simon just laughed, "here comes our ride."

The bus stopped just to their side, with front window coming down and Alice's head popping out of it, "need a ride, kids?"

Arat reached for her gun and pointed it at her.

"Whoo, hoo, easy there sweet thing, I come in peace."

Simon reached for Arat's hands lowering them down slowly, "this really isn't a place or time for a catfight."

"What, there is a place and time to stop a cat fight?", they both heard a male voice before they saw Negan coming from behind the bus, with Lucile resting on his shoulder and one hand in his pocket, with smug expression in his face.

"Holy, fuck, you're alive, boss," in three steps Simon was already standing in front of him, giving him a quick tight hug and pat on the back.

"Look Arat, I told you she will bring him back," he looked at the direction where the woman was standing with a dumbstruck expression on her face, smiling his widest grin.

Arat slowly approached them still not sure was it all real or her mind playing tricks on her, "boss?", she asked slowly and cautiously.

"Yessss, Arat?", Negan looked at her.

She just cleared her throat looking up at him, "good to see you are alive, boss."

"Good to be alive Arat," Negan smiled looking at Alice that was not standing at his side with a proud smile on her face.

Arat just looked at her, scowling and pushing past her to get into the bus, she took her place away from the front seat waiting for the rest of them to come in, Alice just turned in her direction, smiling.

At that moment Simon approached her and instantly her head fell down, she didn't feel bad about what she has done to them, but she felt bad that Simon was one of them.

He just smiled at her, placing his hand on her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace, "glad to see you are still alive and kicking."

She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders, "I'm sorry, Simon," she whispered.

He started to laugh, pushing her away from him and looking at her, "no, you're not."

"Shit, no I'm not, you got me mustache man," Alice smiled as he walked past her and went in a bus.

"Told you he won't buy it," she looked at Negan, who just smiled, clearly amused with the whole situation.

They were driving in silence for some time before Negan decided he is bored and it is time to find out what exactly happened after they left him.

"Soooo, Simon, Arat... How did my doll here exactly threw you out of the truck?"

Alice almost lost control of the vehicle when she hear him voice the question, turning her head to look at him, trying to figure out what he is trying to do, but he was just side eyeing her with an evil grin on his face, and then it became clear, he was just fucking bored.

"I really think this is not the time to talk about it, boss," Alice gave him a clear sign to stop, but he just laughed at that, throwing his head back over his seat to look at Arat and Simon, who were exchanging glanced between each other.

"She fired at us," Arat was one to speak, looking at Alice.

"I fired only at you, not Simon," Alice retorted.

Negan wasn't expecting to hear that, as he smiled, looking at Alice and shaking his head.

"That's only because he listened to you."

"No, that's because he is smart enough to know when to back down."

"So I am a fool because I didn't want to let you go out a kill yourself."

"No, you're a fool because you thought I would get myself killed."

"You're not a fucking immortal, Alice!" Arat raised her voice.

"And how the fuck do you know? It hasn't been proved different so far?"

"You are impossible to talk to," Arat just frowned, before falling back to her seat.

"Good job, boss," was all Simon said.

"Hey, don't blame me, how the hell could I have known Alice actually shot at one of you."

"I did not shot at her, if I shot at her she would be dead. I shot past her, just for a little scare, she was moving her butt too slow," Alice continued, annoyed that Arat actually questioned the integrity of her actions.

"I said we are done talking about it," Arat looked at her.

"For now," Alice mumbled while turning her attention back on the road, trying to get home as soon as possible and be done with this trip.

"Anyway guys, what took you so long to get to us?" Simon decided to break the tension.

Alice and Negan exchanged the looks, trying to figure out what to say, "well, fucking rescue mission takes time mustache man."

"And apparently no underwear," Alice froze, reaching inside of her pants trying to feel her panties and they were there, she glances at Negan and saw him doing the same and obviously looking confused on what Simon was referring to.

They both turned around to see him sitting there, with his legs up on a seat in front of him and his hands locked behind his head, knowingly smirking at them.

"Gotcha."

ooo

About three hours later they arrived back to Sanctuary, the gates opened with a bunch of their man already waiting for them, with guns in their hands, Dwight and Daryl were amongst them.

Alice pulled the bus, getting out of it in a second, wishing she wouldn't have to see it ever again, she looked around herself to see all the man around them kneeling, it was the first time in her life she was actually grateful for that, when she felt an arm being locked around her waist pulling her close.

"Welcome home boss," she smiled.

Negan leaned towards her smelling her hair, with Lucile resting on his shoulder and his other hand around her waist, "God, damn it, it's good to be back."

He then glances around his people, the people he took under his wing, the people he needs to keep alive, his burden and his pride, and for the first time in a long, long time he was grateful to be where he is, in that place and moment.  
Yes, it was a fucked up time to be alive, but when wasn't it, he glances at Alice, the woman how gave him all this back, the woman who did exactly what she said she would do, live to keep him alive, and he just smiled.

"You may all stand up!", at that moment the place started to live again, with everyone going on about their business, except for a few of the saviors that were expecting to unload the loot.

"You are all dismissed there in no loot except for this bus, Dwighty boy, go find mechanic, check this shit out and see if it will need a bit of polishing," Negan turned to look at the Dwight that was standing at Daryl's side, glancing at him, clearly uncomfortable to leave his side.

"Don't worry about Daryl, I am sure my doll wouldn't mind escorting him back to his little piece of heaven."

Negan looked at Alice, who just smiled, she was happy that the first thing she will get to do it check on Daryl and make sure her orders were followed.

"No, I won't mind at all," she crossed her hands, cocking her eyebrow at Dwight, who's head fell as he took a few steps backward before turning around and going to find the mechanism.

Negan brushed her hair away from her ear, leaning closer to her, "dinner at my place?"

She turned around and looked at him, scanning him from head to toe, before leaning closer, with a dirty smile on her face, "Netflix and chill?"

"You are reading my fucking mind doll," he kissed her, before turning around with Lucile on his shoulder and gesturing for Simon to follow him.

Alice turned to find Daryl and saw him standing there with Arat not far away, looking coldly at her before starting to walk in her direction.

Alice straighten up, waiting for a shit storm to hit her, but the woman just walked passed her and went on her way, Alice turned looking at her, sighing, that is one problem that needs fixing and one problem she didn't feel like fixing at all.

At that moment she felt someone standing close to her, just to turn around and see Daryl not feet away, looking at the same direction she was, before looking at her.

"Everything alright with you?" he asked her.

"Yes, why?" she didn't even try to hide her surprise at his question, he was the one imprisoned here, with more than a half compound treating him like shit, and still he is the one asking her is everything ok when clearly it should be another way around.

For an answer he just shrug his shoulders and Alice wasn't even surprised at that, he was one of those people who would talk only when forced and even if it was tiring from time to time, it was one of his features she like the most, giving how much she liked to talk and how much she enjoyed the sound of her voice and her monologues it was nice for once not having to fight for a turn to speak.

"Come, let's take a walk."

Daryl looked at her, surprised that he wasn't going back to his cell just jet, but not saying a thing as he walked by her side. She led him away from a parking and towards the stairs, that were going up all the way to the rooftop, he silently followed, looking behind himself every once in a while.

This side of the building was turned towards where the fence with walkers was, he knew this part of the compound like a back of his hand, and why wouldn't he; he was there every day for the past few weeks, keeping walkers in check and fighting for his bear life.

They were up all the way to the roof where one of the saviors he recognizes from their visit to Alexandria was keeping a guard.

"Hey, Garry how are you? Good to see you are the one on duty here." Alice smiled at the man.

"At least someone finds it enjoyable," Gary looked at her while wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"It's hot as hell today." She looked around the roof, taking her sunglasses and putting them on trying to protect her eyes.

"Tell me about it," man scolded, "saw you coming not long ago. Nice ride."

"Fuck you," Alice flipped him, making him laugh.

"So I take that the place was not suitable?"

"It was if you don't mind sharing a neighborhood with a bunch of dead pricks."

"I am sure they are better than my neighbors before this shit went down. Anyway, why are you up here with him?", he pointed at Daryl who didn't even care for they little talk, standing a few feet's away from them and looking at the distance.

"Just taking a stroll," Alice shrugged her shoulder, the man looked at her for a moment longer and decided to let it go, he tried to understand her for full two days after she came, then just gave up.

"Well, ok, try not to fall," he turned around and started to make another walk around the roof.

Alice came at Daryl's side, tugging him in the direction of a small shack, it was worn down and clearly not used at this moment but it was tall enough to give them a nice shade.

Alice sat on the ground, bringing her backpack in between her legs, before tapping the place beside her, gesturing for him to sit as well.

Daryl obeyed her, knowing that it is much easier than to argue when on the end she always gets what she wants.

"How are you, bad boy?" she turned and looked at him, searching for any signs of mistreatment, but to her delight, there were no new ones to be found.

"Fine,"

"Good to know," Alice fell silent, as they both turned their attention towards the distance, enjoying a moment of peace.

They were like that for a long time, before Alice finally spoke, "do you think they will ever be able to think?"

Daryl looked at her, "they?"

"Yeah, they," she gestured toward the fence where the walkers were.

"No."

"They will evolve with time, that is a way of nature, but what do you think, how long it would take?"

"I am not the one to be asked something like that."

She just smiled, "I think there is no one suitable I could ask about it alive anymore, we have to make do with that we have."

"Back home," Daryl stopped there, surprised at himself that he considered Alexandria home, "there is a man, smart one, name's Eugene, he knows all about that kind of crap."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I should talk to him then when we go back there."

"I am not sure that would help you."

"Why?"

"He is hard to comprehend, at least I never could," Daryl smiled at the memory of Eugene and him bubbling around.

"Nevertheless, I should try," Alice was fixated at the walkers once more, letting her thoughts drift at the strange group still out there, she knew that it won't be the last time they saw them, all she could hope for was that the next time they will be the ones with upper hand.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she reached for the backpack, pulling out a black sweatshirt, "you like it?"

"What's that?" Daryl's eyes drifted across the shirt.

"Well, it's for you," Alice smiled, "I would give it to you now, but I can't you know, rules. But I will leave it in your room, so you can have it once you, you know, decide to join us."

Daryl looked at her through his bangs, trying to figure out what she was up to, but at this moment, it looked like it was nothing, just her, being, well her.

"I told you already, Alice, it won't happen, you should keep it."

"You can't live like this forever," she just tucked the shirt back to her backpack, and to his surprise, she didn't look mad, she looked disappointed.

"I can't… so I will escape or die."

Alice laughter at that, shaking her head and looking up at the sky, "I won't let you do any of those things."

Daryl was silent, he didn't know what to say to that, he knew he couldn't live like this and to say that from time to time, in the dead of the night, he didn't think of just giving up and joining them would be a lie, when he was just like them, a monster, a person who cause his friends death, maybe he belonged there after all.

Alice stood up, extending her hand to him and helped him up, "we should go, I have big plans for tonight and you need to rest. Did you eat?"

"Yes."

"Her, take this," she reached into the front pocket of her backpack, pulling out a sandwich and giving it to him, he took it without complaint, hiding it in his pocket and following her lead.

They were about to leave when she saw Gary, baking in the sun, she approached him, taking her sunglasses off and giving them to him, he looked down at her hand.

"Here, you need them more than I do, today. But I expect them back or I will cut you," Gary took them and smiled, nodding as a thank you.

ooo

She escorted Daryl back to his cell and swung pass his 'to be' bedroom, leaving a sweatshirt neatly folded on the pillow before turning around and going toward her room.  
She passed by Arta's room before stopping and turning around, she really needs to deal with that and to procrastinate would only make it harder later, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door, hoping no one is inside.

Her hoped were shattered fast and the door swung opened with Arat on the other side, when she saw Alice there she tried to close them but Alice was faster, pushing her way inside without any effort.

"What do you want Alice?" Arat looked at her, holding the door opened now, expecting of Alice to leave the room.

"To talk," Alice looked around the room, it was smaller than hers but not much, with a lot more stuff in it, from little figures as decorations to shelf's filled with books.

"I told you we are done talking."

"And I said, 'for now', and 'for now' has passed."

"There is nothing to fucking say, Alice, you pointed a gun at me, threatened my life and now you come here expecting what, forgiveness, kiss and forget?"

Alice looked at her and smiled, "I don't give a flying fuck about your forgiveness, yes, I care about you, but I won't ask of anyone to forgive me something I don't regret doing. And besides, did I ask you to apologize for smacking me over the head?"

Arat looked at her, biting her lower lip, "no."

"And why do you think is that?"

Arat was silent; she didn't know why Alice never mentioned it before or why she didn't ask for her to apologize.

"Because you did something you thought was right, I jeopardized your life and you defended it, the fact that your life is important to you is something I can't take against you, hell, it is something I even envy. But don't judge me for doing what I did to save a life that's equality important to me. I didn't come here for your forgiveness; I came to see can we function as comrades. That's all."

"His life is more important to you than your own?" Arat asked her, almost whispering like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, maybe Simon was right, she didn't know anything about the woman standing before her. How could she? All Alice ever did around her was joke and flirt.

Alice shrugged her shoulders at her question, "yes."

"So you…"

"Yes."

"Then why did you… why did we?" Arat was dumbstruck; she didn't understand a thing that was happening at this moment. She saw them around each other, but she thought it was just Alice being Alice and Negan being Negan, they were both flirts.

"It was just sex, nothing else."

"Yes, so you said," Arat looked around herself, coming to sit on her couch and looking up at Alice, "alright, we can be comrades. But don't expect us to be friends again."

"As you wish," Alice told her before turning around and leaving the room.

To say that she was disappointed, would be wrong, she expected the conversation to be much worst, but she did felt a sting of guilt, not because what she did back on the road, but because she was the one who put Arat in the position between her and Negan and she knew it was unfair, hell, she knew it even while she was doing it, and still she went along.

ooo

She was in the hallway, deciding to go to her room and take a quick shower and a nap before her dinner with Negan, she needed rest and she needed a clear head, but when she was in the hallway, she saw a few Saviors going out of her room with her things in their hands.

"What the…" she quicken her pace, "what the fuck are you doing?", she asked a bearded savior that was holding a box with her underwear in it, that he obviously packed himself, she took it from him, frowning.

"I fucking asked you something, speak!"

Savior just looked at her with an unamused expression on his face and that ever pissed her out more.

"Do you fucking know how to speak?"

"Ask the boss," was all he told her before taking a box from her and going in the direction of Negan's room.

Alice practically marched in the same direction, only to find Negan in the hallway, looking at her with a big smile on his face, extending his hands to embrace here, "and here comes the love of the rest of my life."

"Don't try to butter me up! What the fuck is happening Negan?"

"You're moving?"

"Moving, where?" she felt her heart sink, after all, they have been through will he do to her what she feared the most.

But he didn't talk, just placed his hand on her back and lead her towards the room where his wives lived, and Alice couldn't move, she just stared at the door and then at him, with a petrified look on her face.

She shook her head slowly, letting out a weak "no"

Negan pulled her closer, whispering in her ear, "do you trust me, doll?"

She looked at him, she was trapped, she trusted him but not with this and how could she after the last few argument they had, but she just nodded weakly, it was a first time in her life she felt defenseless and she hated the feeling. Negan just smiled, leading her into the room.

All the woman inside looked at them, standing up and coming to approach Negan one by one, as they always did, but he just held his free hand up while his other hand was still resting on Alice's back.

"Please ladies, sit down," he told them with a serious tone. Alice glanced at him, swallowing heavy, she felt like she will faint at any second, her legs giving up on her. Negan also felt it, wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her to one of the chairs, sitting her down.

"Bear with me, doll," he told her before kissing her forehead and turning his attention back to the women around him.

"Dear wives, I have an announcement to make," he looked around the room and then at Alice, winking at her and giving her his widest smile as a reassurance before running his hand over his long face and letting his eyes fall down, he was silent for a long moment before looking up at them again smirking , "I want a divorce."

And with that entire room fell silent, no one talked for a full minute, women were exchanging glances not sure did they heard him right, looking at Alice who was confused as they were, looking at Negan, not tearing her eyes from him.

"What? What do you mean?" Misha was one to speak first.

"I said...I want a fucking divorce, what wasn't there to understand?"

"You… you can't do this to us?"

"Well call the fucking layer."

Alice was silent, not sure what it happening, looking at the faces of women around her, some were petrified, some were smiling and only Sherry was standing there cold as the stone.

"Is this because of her?!", Musha yelled, standing up and pointing at Alice, who's eyes were now back at Negan.  
"Yes, it fucking is, not sit the fuck down before I lose my patience!"

"So you finally got what you came here for, dog," Misha continued, but Alice didn't even mind her, she didn't even hear her, all she could hear was a buzzing sound in her ears and all she could see was Negan talking. She tilted her head to the side, trying to figure out was this a dream or reality, she was on her way to her room to sleep, but she never got there, did she?

"I said sit the fuck down, Misha!" Negan yelled, running his hand through his hair trying to get his composure back.

 _'I didn't come into the room, I would know',_ Alice turned her head to the side _, 'this is not a dream, is it? Ok, if this is a dream let the flying monkey poop on someone's head,'_ Alice looked around the room, everyone was sitting in their place except of Negan who was talking, no yelling at somebody _, 'why does he alway yell,'_ Alice thought to herself, then looked around the room again, no flying monkies appeared, _'this is real, fuck! get a hold of yourself woman'_

"But don't worry, I am a standup guy," was the next thing Alice heard as she came back to reality, "you will all get your alimony, damn, what kind of a monster would I be just to ditch you all after serving me so well. So you all can stay here, you will not need any points for food, up until a moment you decide to find another man that will take care of you, then you will leave, get a nice job and a chance to make your own life with a man you choose. But I don't want any hanky-panky on the side and I will not be no one's sugar-daddy while you screw half the compound while you are here, when you decide to leave, tell me and I will make it happen. Until then, the rules about fucking around with other people still stand. I think that is only fair? "

He turned around, not waiting for their reaction as he took Alice by the hand, helping her get up and leading her out of the room.

She was silent the whole time, looking at him, not minding her steps, "what did you just do?", Alice whispered.

Negan just smiled ignoring her question, as he led her to his room, opening the door and gesturing for her to come in. She saw a few boxes with her things and her guitar sitting in the corner waiting to be unpacked, Negan approached her from behind, locking his arms around her waist and leaning his chin on her shoulder.

"You like your new set up?"

Alice turned around looking at him not sure what to say.

"Damn it doll, speak."

"I…I…I just don't know what to say?"

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

Alice just shook her head, fuck, she didn't want him to think he has done her wrong, but she wasn't sure what to say or do, everything that has happened in last few days was overwhelming and now this, she was lost, glancing around his room like this is the first time she was there. Everything looked different now and still, everything was the same.  
She looked at him again, "I...I... never have dreams like this...so this is real, right?"

He smiled at that, hugging her tightly and lifting her up, taking a few step towards the bed and placing her gently on it, with him coming on top.

"I told you doll, I am to fuck up to be made up. So, Alice, will you be my wife?" and that was all she needed to hear to know she is not dreaming.

"Hell yeah," she smiled before hugging him and rolling him around to be the one on the top.

Negan just laughed at that, moving her hair away from her face, to have a better look, "this is going to be a shit load of fun! Welcome home dear wife."


End file.
